I love you French fry - but you break my heart

It was next to impossible for me to admit I was obese. My struggle with weight has not been lifelong. Growing up I was healthy. In my teens and early twenties I was probably a little underweight. I remember often lamenting about my weight then as I purposely had to buy a 4 for my pants to be a little baggy. When I got pregnant at 23 I didn’t think too much about the 60lbs I gained. Let’s just say that baby is 13 now and I never got rid of the extra 60. To make it worse I added to it. When I got pregnant with Monkey, my Dr was very concerned about my weight. I was advised to gain 25lbs at the most. I gained almost 90. It’s not surprising I was gestational diabetic. It’s not surprising I gave birth to an almost 10lb baby despite the best efforts of Doctors and dieticians. I did follow my eating plan. I did try to get some exercise. It’s no surprise when you are carrying an extra 90lbs on top of an already overtaxed frame that the exercise effort was not extraordinary. Anyway – cut to today. I have lost 50 of the 90. I recently went back on Weight Watchers to make some permanent changes in my life and figure out where this relationship with food and I went wrong. My husband and I are renewing our vows in Puerto Vallarta in October 2009 (More on that later), I have a little less than a year to loose my goal of 80 more pounds. The goal isn’t just driven by the ceremony though. It’s driven by this loss of self image I have encountered recently. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I don’t feel healthy. LOML is so encouraging, he still tells me I look beautiful every day, but I don’t feel that way. I used to love to shop and now it’s a chore. The irony is, I don’t even love food that much. I just eat poorly. Oh and I am super lazy. And I can continue down that path, becoming more and more unhappy with who I am. Or I can make an effort and make some changes in my life. I have kicked out habits that were bad for me before (smoking) so I think I can kick out some French fries and overcome my latte addiction (that’s why I am on Weight Watchers, so I can have the occasional latte)Chipotle on the other hand – no one ever needs a whole serving of Chipotle!