Friday, October 31, 2008

Religion for Dummies

HAHAHAHA - ok I just typed it in on whim. I really didn't think such a book existed. Maybe I should start my own church. The not sure about religion religion. You can come to my house, I will cook, you will admire my baby, we will play some games and discuss God. A pretty typical night!

Thankful Thursday

Yes yes it is Friday. I am going to do some advance daylight savings and pretend it is Thursday. I think it is important for me to remind myself the things I am thankful for right now.

  1. I am always thankful for Monkey's happy smiling face. He really has been such a comfort during this time. Even when he is unhappy I am still reminded by how blessed I am.
  2. I am thankful for Delicate Flower's outlook and sense of humor. He truly is an amazing child and I am baffled that he has such a strong head on his shoulders. LOL - I am not baffled that he has one, but I am baffled that he is of my genes. He is a unique gentle spirit and I think I used to be wary of how he would develop, but he proves to me on a daily basis that I have nothing to worry about.
  3. I am thankful the stupid elections are almost over. Truly - shoot me now. I am over both of the candidates.
  4. I am thankful for my new cookbooks. I cook rarely, so when I do I want it to be special. I ordered Nigella Express(because I secretly want to be Nigella Lawson), a new Weight Watchers, and Tyler Florence (added bonus some yummy sounding baby food recipes).
  5. I am thankful for November. November means Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving means Christmas. Christmas means so many things to me and I can't wait for this one!

What are you thankful for?

Wordless Wednesday

A little late -

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Precious Monkey and Religion

We went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday morning and they had a couple pumpkin patches. I couldn't resist some photo ops of Monkey and the pumpkins.

During the drive over to downtown, (Ironically the location of the Farmer's market in Dallas), my husband and I were talking about church. Lately I have been thinking that church might be a good place for us to make some "family" friends, and also I think it is important for Monkey to be exposed. I also see so many people take so much comfort in their faith and I wonder if some exploration would be beneficial to me as well. I have to tell you, my faith is very slim right now. I would be hard pressed to explain with any confidence what I do believe in. I am still at a loss as to where to even start as it seems out requirements are pretty specific-
"Honey, I think we should look into church"
"I agree, I want Monkey to go to Sunday school"
"I don't want it to be all hell fire and brimstone though"
"What about Lutheran, it's like Catholic light"
"Ummm, maybe. I guess I would need to read up on it"
"I want to go early though. I want to be home in time for football"
"Ok - so like a 10 am service?"
"I was thinking 8:50"
"Really - you honestly think we can find a service that starts at 8:50? It isn't enough that we need to find a church that isn't overly religious, is non preachy, and now we need service to start at 8:50 to accommodate football"

Jeez! Any assistance would greatly be appreciated!

Monday, October 27, 2008

"Not Me!" Monday

It’s hard to believe how quickly Mondays come. At least MckMama makes them a little more enjoyable with her “Not Me!” Monday carnival.

  • I was not crushed when I missed last weeks “Not Me!”. That would be silly to think I put any energy in my blog. Besides last weeks was very depressing and it is probably better that I did not share.

  • I did not spend $4 on 4 tomatoes. That would be a excessive. Especially if you consider I am the only person at home that eats tomatoes. I also did not consume all four tomatoes on my favorite meal of eggplant, parmesan, basil, and tomato. (Bake at 400 for 20 minutes.) That would be glutinous.

  • I have not cried every other hour. I am not still completely crushed and contemplating putting a ticker for the supposed year of grief that one is supposed to take. I am not convinced that would make me feel better. I also did not completely dissolve into tears last night when Monkey took his first “crawl” because I could not call my mom and tell her.

  • I did not feel a little guilty that we had a nice day at the pumpkin patch and farmers market.

  • Monkey did not eat his macaroni and cheese in about two seconds flat the other day. That would admit that he was as equally as glutinous as his momma.

  • Monkey has not outgrown his infant car seat at six months old. He does not weigh almost 19 pounds and sprouting baby boobs and the heartiest thighs I have ever seen on a baby.

    What have you not done this week?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Thankful Thursday

Yes - I realize it is Friday. I am a day or so on everything it would seem. I came home on Monday and have been in a fog ever since. I am pretty sure I went to bed at 7pm last night, right behind Monkey. They say it takes a full year to grieve. With that being said let's get to number 1:

  1. I am thankful I survived the first week after my mother's death. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier, but it is becoming more real.
  2. I am thankful Monkey has started sleeping through the night. Granted it has been six months coming, and he has only slept through 4 nights, but I will take what I can get.
  3. I am thankful my husband is feeling better. I don't have much patience right now and I feel bad that I wasn't able to be very empathetic.
  4. I am thankful the weather is actually getting cold. It seemed like just the other day I was thankful the heat was going. I wonder how long it will be before I am thankful for the heat again!
  5. I am thankful it is Friday. This has been an impossibly hard time at work and I am looking forward to some quiet time at home with my husband and Monkey.

What are you thankful for?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Not Me!" Monday

It’s time for “Not me! Monday”, hosted by the always charming and due any day now MckMama. (We won’t mention that it is Tuesday.)

• I am not going to write my entire not mes list about my mom’s death. That would be morbid. I do have other things happening in my life at this time.

• I am not struggling at work today. I know people are only trying to show they care. I did not almost break down when I found an email from my mom from last summer. I am not going to have a difficult time not emailing my mom. I never exchanged a bazillion emails a day with her from work. I way too important and busy to have exchanged emails all day with my mother.

• I do not have a speech well rehearsed that explains the details and events of my mothers death. I have not already told it numerous times this morning. I am sure I could say it in my sleep.

• I did not pick out a scattering urn for my mom with my step-dad the other day. That would mean that she did really die. She was only 54 how could that have really happened.

• I am not completely breaking down and have to stop. This isn’t as cathartic as I had hoped.

• On a positive note – Monkey did not wake up every two hours and howl like a banshee. He has slept through the night for two nights straight!

What have you not done this week?

Saturday, October 18, 2008


Conversation with Q(Delicate Flower) yesterday. I called to see how he was doing since he has lost his great-grandfather, his Nana, and his big toe nail all in one week.
"Hi Q how is everything"
"How is your toe feeling?"
"Fine, um Mom....I have a friend over, I don't really have time for small talk right now. I'll call you when I have some free time"
"Oh - alrighty then. You call me when you have some free time."

Honestly! I can say he has become a teenager!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Thankful Thursday

Ok- if last week I thought I was just a little stressed and thankless. Today I may have pushed my limit. While I am not trying to make lemonade out of lemons, I know my mom wouldn't want me to sulk. I am allowed to grieve. I will. Out of this whole bizarre mess, there were some things to be thankful for:

  1. I am thankful that the stroke that took my mother's life occurred while she was in the hospital. She was able to be placed on life support and then declared brain dead. It was her wish to be an organ donor and that wish was able to be honored. Her lungs, heart, corneas, tissue, and kidneys will allow others people to either live longer or live better. She was such a devout recycler I know she is just ecstatic that no part of her will go to waste.
  2. I am thankful I was able to make it up here to say goodbye.
  3. I am thankful I was able to see my grandmother. I was once again reminded one shouldn't only see their family under bad circumstances.
  4. I am thankful Delicate Flower decided not to come. It would not have been a good way to remember his beloved Nana.
  5. I am thankful for all the kind words and memories. I am learning of a part of my mom I never knew from her friends.
What are you thankful for today?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Finding Courage

I read blogs all the time where women of all types find extraordinary courage in them to accept their path in life. I always marvel at the faith it must take to accept and believe in the hand that you have been dealt. I always wonder if I could ever be that brave. This week I get to find out. My mom has had a massive stroke. She is only 54. This is the most unexpected event. I am still in shock. She is on life support. There is massive bleeding on her brain. I leave tomorrow morning to say goodbye. When they take her off she will be gone. It will be my turn to accept this is my path in life. Right now I really don't want to go down it.

Monday, October 13, 2008

"Not Me!" Monday

It is that time again! "Not me!" Monday. Hosted by the always charming MckMama. In your free time make sure you peruse the list to see what other are not doing.

· I did not bring Monkey to our bed last night. He was not wailing like a banshee from his crib. He has made the transition to his crib like a wonder child

· Monkey did not wake up every hour last night to wail like a banshee. He is not cutting teeth. My child is like Iron Man and would never cry over something like a new tooth

· I did not go to Sprouts to only buy peaches and walk out with:
o dates rolled in coconut (can you blame me)
o 10 containers of yogurt (they were on sale for 10 cents off so I did save a $1)
o Face Cream
o A bottle of wine
o Mushrooms
o Peaches (hey at least I remembered)

· I did not move the scale until I got a reading that I was happy with. That would be completely counterproductive.

· I did not breath a sigh of relief after dropping off my in-laws puppy. She was a complete delight and I am counting down the days until we can watch her again.

· I am not coming down with another cold. I am the picture of health at all times.

· I am not going to figure out how I can take a nap in my car today. I am super mom and can easily survive a work day after a weekend of no sleep. Again my baby is perfect and sleeps like a champ.

· I am not disappointed that I will be far down on the Not me! List. I am never competitive. This is not a contest and I do not care if anyone ever reads my not me list. This is truly cathartic and only for me!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Monkey 1, Mommy 0

Monkey did sleep last night for the first time in his crib. He woke up at 3. Did we let him cry it out? Yes, for 12 minutes. I justified the bottle by telling myself that it would be too much trauma to have him sleep in the new bed and take away his late night bottle. I didn't want him to associate anything bad with the new bed and think it was the reason his tummy was being allowed to go slightly below empty! He is sleeping well tonight, I am newly determined!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Monkey goes to bed!

These are pictures of Monkey in his co-sleeper. Last night he spent what we hope is the last night in our room. I will miss him, but I know it's time for all of us to try and get some sleep. And given my hearty guy is teetering on the edge of 18/19 lbs I know it is time to say good buy to night time feedings. He has started on solids and cereal and really is only waking up for some snuggles.
I do love the night time snuggles though. That's my quiet sweet mommy baby time. But I am embracing him growing older. I think we are taking it at the right pace. And if you can't tell from the picture - he is quickly growing out of room in his co-sleeper and almost able to crawl out of it, so there are safety reasons involved as well. And I must admit, I need some snuggles with my husband.
I will see how it goes, either way I will have something to write about next week!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Thankful Thursday

I kept meaning to post all week and just kept getting busy and that seems to be the story of my life, I just keep meaning too. While I was driving to work I was thinking what I wanted to post about and the fall weather reminded me the holidays are quickly coming upon us. I do love the holidays, but the holidays bring a certain amount of stress and I was also reminded that I have been a little on edge and grumpy as of late, and a little thankless. We bought Monkey an outfit the other day that says “I am thankful for Tiger and Pooh.” I thought to myself I have a lot to be thankful for, but I have been rather thankless as of late. So I have deemed Thursday to be Thankful Thursday. I must name at least five things that I am thankful for, and they can’t all be family and friends related.

1. I am thankful for the four lbs that I lost last week. I don’t care that it was a little too much and I would prefer to not find them this week.

2. I am thankful that my husband took the first shift and Monkey slept all the way until 3am! Granted he did wake up again at 5, but this means he can sleep for a long stretch and we just need to break him of the habit of eating every four hours.

3. I am thankful for the yummy mushrooms and spinach that I put in my omelet this morning. They made it so flavorful and satisfying.

4. I am thankful the weather is finally changing and I think the 100 degree days are behind us!

5. I am thankful for Monkey’s temperament. He honestly is the happiest baby and just thinking about his smiles makes me smile.

Ok – that wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be! What are you thankful for?

Monday, October 6, 2008

"Not me!" Monday

I read a variety of blogs, but I think My Charming Kids probably delights me the most. MckMama is honest and her children’s antics truly are charming; or at least come across that way! I think everyone that reads her blog is counting down the days for Stellan’s birth and I know we are all praying for the whole family.
Anyway, her Not me Monday gives me a reason to look forward to Monday! I went to Catholic school once; I know that confession is good for the soul. Except I didn’t do any of these things – no, not me!

-I did not not wash my hair all weekend. That would be unhygienic and a little gross.

-I did not over fondue on Saturday and have a Charlotte (Sex in the City movie) moment. That would mean a variety of things that I never want to admit to! So No, not me!

-I did not gladly let LOML take Monkey so I could nap on Sunday even though I knew he had gotten even less sleep than me the night before. It would be selfish of me to think that I went six months straight of no sleep and he has ample time to catch up. It would also be a little mean and vindictive.

-I am not writing this at work. That would be unethical.

-I did not start a blog just so that I could have a reason to do Not Me! That would be silly since I could just comment.

-I did not let Monkey try to eat Biscuit (our cat) because I thought it was funny. That would be icky and unhygienic. Besides Monkey was sooo happy trying to eat the kitty.

-Monkey did wake up every three hours on Saturday. He is almost six months old and much to old for that. He also did not scream like he was dying when he was waiting for his bottle. He is absolutely not addicted to food and can sleep all night!

-I will not spend the day reading other Not me! moments nor am I not hoping for some sort of bad behaviour this week to give me an excuse for next weeks Not me!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Pumkin Pie Makes Me Happy

I know I have an addiction to pumpkin pie spice latte when
a) I spend 20 minutes in line waiting to order
b) I spend $5 on one
c) I allocate 7 points for the consumption of one(Let me put that in perspective – I can have a soup and ½ a sandwich for 7 points, I only have(only haha) I have 29 points a day)
I don’t understand the addiction. I can’t seem to overcome it. I wait for them every year. Honestly – it bleeds into all things pumpkin flavored and colored for that matter. I dress Monkey in orange. I have an Orange rug in my living room. I don’t mind rooting for UT for LOML because I like the jersey. I think if I could I would paint myself with filling, add some cinnamon, and call it a happy day.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I love you French fry - but you break my heart

It was next to impossible for me to admit I was obese. My struggle with weight has not been lifelong. Growing up I was healthy. In my teens and early twenties I was probably a little underweight. I remember often lamenting about my weight then as I purposely had to buy a 4 for my pants to be a little baggy. When I got pregnant at 23 I didn’t think too much about the 60lbs I gained. Let’s just say that baby is 13 now and I never got rid of the extra 60. To make it worse I added to it. When I got pregnant with Monkey, my Dr was very concerned about my weight. I was advised to gain 25lbs at the most. I gained almost 90. It’s not surprising I was gestational diabetic. It’s not surprising I gave birth to an almost 10lb baby despite the best efforts of Doctors and dieticians. I did follow my eating plan. I did try to get some exercise. It’s no surprise when you are carrying an extra 90lbs on top of an already overtaxed frame that the exercise effort was not extraordinary. Anyway – cut to today. I have lost 50 of the 90. I recently went back on Weight Watchers to make some permanent changes in my life and figure out where this relationship with food and I went wrong. My husband and I are renewing our vows in Puerto Vallarta in October 2009 (More on that later), I have a little less than a year to loose my goal of 80 more pounds. The goal isn’t just driven by the ceremony though. It’s driven by this loss of self image I have encountered recently. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I don’t feel healthy. LOML is so encouraging, he still tells me I look beautiful every day, but I don’t feel that way. I used to love to shop and now it’s a chore. The irony is, I don’t even love food that much. I just eat poorly. Oh and I am super lazy. And I can continue down that path, becoming more and more unhappy with who I am. Or I can make an effort and make some changes in my life. I have kicked out habits that were bad for me before (smoking) so I think I can kick out some French fries and overcome my latte addiction (that’s why I am on Weight Watchers, so I can have the occasional latte)Chipotle on the other hand – no one ever needs a whole serving of Chipotle!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Home at last

I've been meaning to start a blog for some time. I have my MySpace surveys, but I don't think those really count. I decided to have a baby, get married, change jobs, and move - all in the course of a year. I felt like I really needed to get all my life changes done in one year. My co-workers are starting to glaze over at the mention of the baby - I really need a place I can journal to my hearts content. My husband does also make me cazy from time to time. No to mention my naughty kitties. Oh yes, and my 13 yr old. Plus my weight loss struggle, my real wedding plans, and my obsession with anything on Bravo. Oh- I'm a little ADHD too. I'm worn out all ready!