My first acceptance speech

I was so honored to be identified by one of my other blog friends. Pam lives in the prettiest country I have ever seen through pictures. She is honest and charming, with a significant amount of grace. Our lives are so different and yet the same. I like to think all mothers share a bond of some sort. Pam challenged me to list 10 honest things, and make it interesting. I like to think I am an open book, but I can always share more. I have shared in the past, thanks to Khadra, so I think it's time to broaden that initial list of ten.

1. I used to be considered a little mean and bitchy. Really I am terribly shy. I also have terrible vision, so often if I look like I am glaring, I am really just squinting.
2. My mom died last year in October from an unexpected stroke. We had a love/hate relationship but there isn't a day I don't miss her. That relationship stems from her love of drugs when she was younger. My mom was able to turn her life around starting when I was 14. She was really able to nip her problem when I was 19.
3. I have worked since I was 16. My very first job was in the mall for Swiss Colony. I had to stand in the middle of mall and ask people if they would like to try an incredible spreadable. I do still have a fondness and knowledge of cheese.
   
4. One of the main reasons I left my home town of Reno is that I was being stalked. It was one of the most miserable points in my life. In order to move from Reno I had to leave Delicate Flower with my mom in Oregon for a few months.
5. The fist time I went to Hawaii, it was to visit my Grandmother. While I was there she had a breakdown and tried to kill herself. My vacation ended very suddenly.
   
6. Despite the downs in my life, I am a strong believer in keeping the past just that. If I didn't live this way I would hate for the rest of my life. I believe it is up to me to make positive decisions in my life for myself and my family.
   
7. It is very difficult for me to make friends. Sometimes I convey a "know it all" approach that is really meant to be helpful. I just am not that successful in letting people know.
8. I love my first son like no one else. He lives with his dad and that makes me feel guilty everyday. I never regret my first marriage, I regret the decisions I made after.
   
9. I am not a hugger. You can always tell I consider you a close friend if I hug you. If I tell you I love you, I consider you part of my family.
   
10. I would kill to be a SAHM, for a week. I love my job. I love my kids. I think we each need some time away. I am a better parent when I have some space. I am a better parent now than when I was 24. I despreately want a third child, and maybe a fourth. I feel that I am now ready for MSC. I feel like I am finally growing into the person I will become and I am pleased (-minus the weight gain)

I hate tagging people. If you choose to list some truths, please do so and let me know!

Not Me! Monday

Urgh! Despite my best efforts I did not get much blogging done last week. I even had a couple memes to make is easier! I know my loyal following will understand. I don't even know some of you; but I know we all have lives outside of the blog world. I also know life is full of things we don't do, so it's time to confess all the things I would never think of doing.

• Monkey would have never turned 9 months old over the weekend. 9 month old babies normally sleep through the night in their own beds, so I know he didn't.

• I would have never decided it was a good time for snacks at Sam's club. That would mean I had forgotten food for my non-nine month old baby. Said baby would have never have inhaled cheese, two samples of yogurt, and cheerios. We would have never have left a trail of cheerios behind us. We aren't messy!

• It's not me that has a sore tooth and is afraid to go to the dentist. And I certainly don't admit to not going to the dentist for years now.

• Monkey would have never peed all over my new 600 thread count sheets. Khadra isn't a psychic!

• I know my youngest son has not started holding on to his penis like its a lever in the tub. Nor does he immediately go for it when his diaper is off.

• Oh yeah, I would never let my little one my hair because it sooths him back to sleep. I am not considering buying him a dolly. (Does anyone have a good boy doll to recommend?)

That sums it up. If you haven't already, jump over to MckMama's and check out the other things people never do. If you're up to it, do your own list. I promise you will feel better.

A Thousand Word Thursday

I'm lazy - I know - but this face needs the masses!

Want to see others? (Not of Monkey, but other great pics, follow the button)

Not Me! Monday!

I am not feeling too hot so I will be brief! I know that I never throw up and pee my pants, so maybe I do feel ok.

• It wasn't me that proclaimed I couldn't find a single baby food book out there; only to have a MALE friend bring me FOUR amazing books from the library!

• It isn't me that is relived the Giants lost last night. Now we can start resuming normal activities in the house that don't involve sitting perfectly still or changing clothes.

• It isn't me that hurts after Wii bowling. No, I learned my lesson when I had to have surgery after a night of high heel boxing.

• It certainly would never be me that is eagerly anticipating her Nutrisystem order!

• Monkey is not saying dada. He also is not tying to break out of baby jail by stacking things up. And my sweet son would never turn into a crazy splashing baby in the tub. He is also so refined that he doesn't giggle when I make his but sing!

• It also isn't me that has 7, yeah count them, 7 followers! Thank you!

• Last but not least, this is not me at prom in 1988.
  

Check out the other Not Mes at MckMama's. I would also love to see your prom pictures! Sadly I have more, I went to six!

Urgh, Resolutions

Ok, so for a bit I had been blowing off resolutions. I am a project manager, one would think I love to make lists. Especially when there is a deliverable. But see, that's just it. I am so used to making lists and then making some sort of priority matrix, and then equating a $$$$, that I am almost incapable of a list in my real life. But that is just it, I do really love lists. I love to make lists that include lists. Unless I am requesting a big budget; I don't need money, so nothing was holding me back, just the fact that a list makes it real. It makes ME accountable; my turn. I am ok with that. But I will state these are goals. It's my own ego at risk. I can price that at any time. I am not doing a SOW(yeah you just guess that) with myself.
OK time for 2009 resolutions:

• Dammit, I wish I had a bad drug habbit, oh I do. Its called food. I have an ass load of weight to loose. I needed to loose before the baby. I don't want to talk about what the baby and I added. Let's just say I started Nutrisystem.

• I want to complete the 100 book reading challenge. Don't ask me how

• Two family trips involving both boys

• Two girls trip, one involving Kate

• Reintroduce my body to yoga

• Eliminate non-organic meat and vegetables. Introduce Monkey to only organic foods.
  

• Meet five new friends (this scares me the most)

• Start exercising 4 times per week

• Put away laundry after it's done

Urgh, that's quite a list. And I don't have some equation to back it up. But, it's public. I am accountable to myself. My ego is at large. I challenge you to ask me how things are going. You are my justification, you are my inspiration. You have no expectations, and for me; that makes it necessary.

Kick my ass, be mean, ask me what I am doing to be healthy for you, for my sons, for anything. I am asking you to be my blog trainers.

If you haven't heard how I am doing, ask!
LOL -this so the PM in me, but I do need help. I ask you, my blog friends. Are you up for it?

2008 in review or why I slowly went crazy!

A couple weeks ago Mama Kat’s one of her writing assignments was 2008 in review. This one jumped out at me since 2008 contained so many milestones for me and my family. I started my blog because I had gone through so many life changes at once and wanted to share; little did I know how many more I would go through! I’ll go through month-by-month so maybe you can appreciate some of my stress!

January
Six month’s pregnant I kicked off a significant project at work. I was already huge and it is important to mention our test lab is down two flights of stairs. We ran out of office space and decided to stick our offshore team down there as well. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and ordered to follow a strict diet. I don’t need to mention that I managed to gain a good 30 lbs this month.

February
Q and I visited my parents in Creswell, OR. This was a great trip and the first time Delicate Flower saw me pregnant. (He lives in Reno with his Dad – I don’t know that I have ever made that clear) He was quite weirded out by my pregnancy! Little did I know it would be the last time the four of us were together.

March
The joy of baby showers and gestational diabetes. My diabetes escalated and on top of testing my blood four times a day, I got to give myself shots as well. Do I mention that my project was still going on in the basement? Do you know what it’s like to go up and down stairs while carrying a good 60 extra pounds of baby weight? Oh the horror!

April
Dear dear Monkey entered our life! He was 9lbs 10oz with a personality from his first breath. I took 8 weeks off of work and my mom joined us without a return ticket home!
She proceeded to slowly drive me insane while I wrestled with breastfeeding and packing because the next month….

May
We moved. I do not recommend moving with a three week old. EVER! Not even if it is just across the street. (Which is what we did) Shortly after we moved I learned the awful news that my project had been cancelled and I did not have a long term job to return to.

June
We said goodbye to Mom with some relief. (I try not to beat myself up over this visit. My mom and I generally kept visits to a week for very specific reasons.) After she left my husband and I decided to make things official and had a very quiet ceremony with the Justice of the Peace, Monkey, and Flea. (We are planning a family ceremony in Puerta Vallarta in Oct)

July
Delicate Flower arrived for the summer and became a teenager. Need I say more? My dad(dad number 2) came and visited us for a bit. I hadn’t seen him in five years! Oh and my lay off started. Oh yeah, before I forget, hubby got laid off too! July SUCKED!

August
I turned 37. UGH! But things started to look up as hubby and I both returned to work. (He was only out of work for like 10 days – how does that happen?) I started a new project that should take me through second quarter ’09 and Delicate Flower went back to Reno to start 8th grade. Monkey started daycare and didn’t even cry.

September
Hmmm….what happened in here????? LOL – I think it is in a fog due to lack of sleep. Monkey was barely sleeping. I did come down with an abscess on my throat and was not able to nurse for two weeks. I just couldn’t keep up with pumping at work and was forced to quit nursing all together.

October
My mom died on October 15th from a stroke. She was 54 years old.

November
I think I was completely grief struck as I tried to wade my way through the beginning of the holidays. I think the only thing I remember from this month was I learned to make bread.

December
A visit to my Psychiatrist introduced happy pills and some relief. Delicate Flower joined us for Monkey’s first Christmas. So there you have it! There are lot’s of Monkey milestones, but this post is all about me! (Aren’t they all about me in some way) In retrospect it just seems like a normal year, until I realize how much we crammed in from April – October. I think this year I will try to make life changes balanced! Are you sensing a prequel to resolutions? Well, are you?

I swear there is more to me than Not Me!

Happy New Year! Where has the time gone? In the past two weeks I have worked a total of 4 days. One would think I had plenty of time to blog, but in between my Facebook games and the Wii, I have been way too busy. I know, selfish. I do feel a little guilty not capturing all the Christmas antics once they happened. But I guess I didn't feel guilty enough! I do however feel guilty that Not Me! Mondays have been my only regular post, so later when I do my resolutions I feel like I need to address that. I do have more to say than the things I never do! However, even though today is Tuesday, I still have some things that I should get off my chest before the metamorphosis kicks in and my guilt turns into shingles or something akin.

• I have not decided that baby drool actually makes a good hair gel. It does not have the occasional added bonus of smelling like bananas. I did not declare the other day a good hair day after the baby was drooling and sucking on my hair. Monkey's hands do not have the exact technique as a rat comb.

• It wasn't me that only mailed one Christmas card and all of my packages late. I am so organized and on top of things! It also wasn't me that paid an enormous amount for priority shipping so my Dad could have something to enjoy on Christmas.

• I would never order Nutrisystem or gain 3 pounds over the holidays. I don't know what it is like to feel completely frustrated over the baby weight and additional weight. I am not a little depressed about it and feel like I should be on The Biggest Loser.

• Monkey never would throw up on Daddy's face, getting some right in his mouth. If that did happen, my husband would never promptly get sick himself.

• I am not in love with my new sheets. It is ridiculous to spend money on 600 thread count. I mean all you do is sleep on them.

• Monkey is certainly not now spending all his sleeping time with us in the big bed. And the sheets I didn't buy; I would have never bought them considering my 8 month old's comfort factor in the never ending quest for a full nights sleep.

• I am not convinced Monkey had ADD. He also did not devour a cookie like it was a drug and burst into tears when it was gone. He is such a great eater that he would never look at me like I poisoned him with the lasagna and then proceed to not open his mouth for the rest of the day. If that had happened he would certainly not drink 32oz of milk during the middle of the night. I don't give my baby a bottle at midnight or 2 he way too old!

Oh - I feel better all ready! What have you not done? Check out the list at My Charming Kids. Check out everything else too, I worship MckMama!