The Only Girl at Home

Who is that baby?

2009-04-08T07:44:00.004-05:00

You guessed it! The MONKEY!!!!! He loves playing with the baby in the mirror. He is constantly looking on the other side to find him. I can not believe is going to be 1 next week. This year has flown by. We have so many things to be grateful for, and yet one thing to be so sad about that it still occupies mt thoughts on a daily basis. I am so pleased to have blessings like Monkey and my husband in my life right now. This year has been HARD. I would prefer to not repeat events in this year. I am working on not being overwhelmed by anxiety on a daily basis.

On a positive note one of my dads came to visit. He was here for a month and we had a fabulous time. (I have 2 - long story) We'll call this one Sixbangr since he like to drag race. He met my mom when I was about 2 and after they got married, he adopted me. They were unable to make the marriage work, and divorced when I was about 5. He continued in the role of my father. I think most men would have walked away from the situation, but I learned loyalty and family values from my dad. He was my rock when my mom was a wreck. He has always been there for me. One year the transmission went out on my car when I was living in Reno. My dad and grandpa hauled a jeep from Denver, loaded with care packages, and took my car back to Denver to overhaul. (That is just one of many examples) Not many dads do that. Not many people do that.

So I digress - I mean to just post a quick blurb about Monkey, but I always do that. I am missing my daddy today. I know he reads my blog, so I thought I would give him a little sneak attack tribute.

Can you believe

2009-03-18T09:13:00.004-05:00

This little rock star is almost 1? It seems like just overnight he added a ton of skills. He can stand, say bye-bye, ball, dada, mamma, and duck. (I am desperately hoping that is what he is saying - we all know about my husband's potty mouth)

He loves to eat, but still prefer his baby food. He will longingly gaze at you while you eat, however if you offer him anything he puts it in your mouth after he tastes it. YUM! Still no teeth - but I can see the bottom two getting ready to poke through any day now. He is such a giggly baby, and that makes the sleepless nights easier. Yes, our sweet Monkey has yet to spend an entire night in his crib.

He is such a treasure, and combined with delicate flower, I am really starting to question having another baby. I really thought I did, but then when I think about going through another baby year I become apprehensive. I also know we can provide for two children well, three would slim the opportunities we could offer.

If you have more than one child, what was the deciding point? If you have more than two, do you ever feel stretched (emotionally and financially)

I would be eager to hear what you have to say. Now I have a birthday party to plan!

You can't read my mind?

2009-03-11T14:25:00.003-05:00

I often forget that in order to communicate, one actually needs to share information. I have a bad habit of being private. I don't think someone can have a blog and be a private person. By default you're letting it all hang out. I am mostly OK with that part. ~~I would never sensor knowing my husband, dad, and friends read my blog.~~

What I need though is a mind reading post process, because honestly I have not made time for blogging. I would like to say it is because I haven't made time for myself; that isn't a true statement. Have I been busy? Yes. Has Monkey been acting like a maniac and not sleeping? Yes. Do I have time to log into facebook for a few minutes? You guessed it!

I do like to keep my blogs light. I like to think I add a little humor. I don't like repetition. I feel like I am cheating if all of my blogs are based on surveys. That is just a long way to say I have a lot on my mind lately that is neither light or funny. I haven't wanted to take five minutes to share. And I guess I just wanted to feel like life was perfect enough and I wouldn't need to burden anyone with my problems. Honestly - they are small and insignificant. And I think that is the other piece - there are so many families out there that share their heart wrenching stories, I just don't think my bad day at work or the havoc Monkey causes would be meaningful.

It sounds silly when I say it, but I am terrified of becoming a blogger that has something heart wrenching happen. My husbands is highly superstitious. I think it is rubbing off. I read about this family in January and it has stayed on my mind since. I just can't get over how devastated they must be. I know it is coincidence, but Monkey has been getting constant sinus infections and I am just been terrified that we could be the next McClenahans. Silly I know. Ever since I lost my mother so suddenly - I just keep waiting for it to happen again.

So there it is. I know I am not going to tempt fate just by blogging, and yes, that has been the main reason for my pause. And please, feel free to poke fun. LOL - just saying out loud, make me feel better. I will blog more and worry less. It will never be daily, but it will be more than bimonthly. Or at least until I can find a confidant psychic. Then she will do it for me.

Not me! Monday!

2009-02-16T19:51:00.007-06:00

What a week! I have several mentions to return, but I love Not Me! Mondays. This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Monkey would never have turned 10 months old today. His milestones are never a little bitter sweet; his beloved Nana has been gone for four months now.

Our sweet little Monkey couldn't have been diagnosed with a mild case of bronchitis. If that was true, then it would have been our placid baby that has been acting like an absolute maniac from the steroids. That also means it could have been my charming baby that crawled so fast he has carpet burns. That also means it was Monkey that proceeded to taste and fling his laundry around the entire living room.

It wasn't me that sent a couple of mean texts after a few glasses of wine. I am not still contemplating how to patent a sobriety check point for cell phones.

My husband certainly didn't bring me lilies and Lush products. I know for a fact that it wasn't us that enjoyed a Valentine's lunch at PF Changs. If that was the case then it was Monkey who ate his first Chinese food and methodically ate rice grain by grain.

Oh and I know it's not me that talks or blogs about Monkey all the time, and I know he didn't make a miraculous recovery at the ER. He was not acting like a dying seal right before the ER doctor came in. The ER doctor did not look at my husband and I like we were crazy people and make a statement like this "I'll step outside and see if I can hear him make the same cough you mentioned."

And not that I like to mention Delicate Flower from time to time, but he certainly didn't give a girl a flower for Valentine's day!

Following Followers

2009-02-12T14:37:00.003-06:00

I am truly delighted to have followers. The fact that they are not all family makes it even better! I thought I would use this post to recognize my followers! Plus this forces me to really see who you are! I also know I don't comment enough, so this is my bulk version.

Emily The Creative is fun. She and I share April babies. Her doesn't sleep either! She also has a couple other munchkins at home that are always making her crazy and providing lots of material.

Khadra is my first blog friend. She has multiple children at home and is known to be a little grumpy! I know she feels defined by her children, but I think its a front. I like to think of Khadra as an onion, there is definitely a lot to her. She also makes gorgeous jewelry.

Following Him is sweet and honest. She is absolute in her morals and belief. I wish more young girls had her convictions.

Heidi makes me laugh on a regular basis. I would think her fake, but no one can make this stuff up. Be sure to read the loving letter to her son!

Jenners has multiple blogs, and I discovered her on Find Your Next Book Here. She's not just another SAHM, she is well informed and an excellent writer.

Ok - so I just this very second looked at Mistika's blog. As a Colombian married to an Egyptian she is culturally rich and I love how her blog is written to her two adorable girls. I will be checking in on her regularly.

Pam lives in the prettiest country I have ever seen. I love when she posts stories and pictures about life in a small town in Canada.

Corrine is a voracious blogger with a talent for photography. Another mom with MSC (Many small children - ok here is the truth - I would love to have MSC. I love reading blogs by moms with many children at home. I wish I had Irish twins! I regret I didn't decide this until I was 37...more on this later, this is suppose to be about my ~~fans~~ supporters. ) Her blog is completely random and entertaining. I have a hard time understanding why she doesn't like to shop and I admire her convictions.

Live and Learn the Hard Way is an inspiration. I think anyone would enjoy following her new romance and supporting her sobriety.

Hurricane Heather is genius. No, really she is one. Sooo funny! Read her, read her daily!

Elisabeth another random writer that shares the interesting thoughts and happenings around her. A true Daddy's girl and a mother of three, she shares her life openly.

One Anxious Mommy is my newest addition. We share red headed babies and a tendency to be overly anxious.

Wow - I am glad I did this! The blogging world truly allows new connections. Do you know or follow your followers? Feel free to share.

Sleepy Monkey

2009-02-11T14:40:00.004-06:00

Monkey has been terribly sick. It's difficult to determine if he is going for dying seal or miserable kitten. It depends on where Mommy is. He also has been doing a passable duck but I digress.

We are in our third month of trying to convince him that his room is not evil nor does his crib burn him when he touches it. I have been unable to find 600 thread count sheets while I try to make his room feel just like Mommy and Daddy's room.

It just figures - last night I worked until midnight and had to get up to be back at 5:30am (yeah the glamour - I know you are jealous) - so of course I didn't get any sleep. Monkey decided that would be the perfect night to sleep almost the whole night through!
He stole my pillow too.
I'm not bitter at all.

Not Me! Monday or a break has done me good

2009-02-09T14:10:00.008-06:00

Oh jeez – I took a little blogcation (yes I am fully aware that isn’t a real word) accidentally on purpose. Thank you to everyone that expressed concern. I had been feeling a little overwhelmed and frankly a little sick of computers. I use one all day, by the time I get home I just didn’t have the energy to blog or read and comment on blogs. Work has been busier, or maybe I have just been working harder, but I just didn’t have the spare time there either. Anyway, explanations aside, I am back. You can be sure that while there are several things that I didn’t do, I just so happen to be close personal friends with the girl that did!

It was not me that has lost 12 ponds on Nutrisystem. It certainly isn’t me that has been filming her commercial in her head and quitting her job to become a full time spokesperson. And I never was able to pull off my double digit jeans without even unbuttoning them!

It isn’t Monkey that has been at least starting off the night in his crib. He does not wail like he is being pinched when we go in his room. My Monkey is a sleep expert!

It also wasn’t Monkey that acted like he was a dying seal all weekend, only to perk up the minute the Dr. examined him at the ER at 6:30 this morning. My husband and I didn’t feel like complete overreacting idiots. I would love to say that we at left with a prescription to validate our concerns, but not us.

Monkey never inhaled a piece of cinnamon toast like it was crack. He also hasn’t been found to be hoarding food in his chair. I never watched him throw a fit after I took away a little less than new banana. I am not completely concerned that his tantrums have been occurring with increasing frequency!

I would never be completely preoccupied with our 9 month old, so I don’t know whose baby can now wave and stand!

And just to let you know that even though we occasionally pay attention to Delicate Flower, it doesn’t matter, because it certainly wasn’t him that has been raising his failing grades to passing grades. Ah the miracle of actually turning in homework!

What haven’t you been up to lately? Not me! Monday was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My first acceptance speech

2009-01-20T20:53:00.005-06:00

I was so honored to be identified by one of my other blog friends. Pam lives in the prettiest country I have ever seen through pictures. She is honest and charming, with a significant amount of grace. Our lives are so different and yet the same. I like to think all mothers share a bond of some sort. Pam challenged me to list 10 honest things, and make it interesting. I like to think I am an open book, but I can always share more. I have shared in the past, thanks to Khadra, so I think it's time to broaden that initial list of ten.

I used to be considered a little mean and bitchy. Really I am terribly shy. I also have terrible vision, so often if I look like I am glaring, I am really just squinting.
My mom died last year in October from an unexpected stroke. We had a love/hate relationship but there isn't a day I don't miss her. That relationship stems from her love of drugs when she was younger. My mom was able to turn her life around starting when I was 14. She was really able to nip her problem when I was 19.
I have worked since I was 16. My very first job was in the mall for Swiss Colony. I had to stand in the middle of mall and ask people if they would like to try an incredible spreadable. I do still have a fondness and knowledge of cheese.
One of the main reasons I left my home town of Reno is that I was being stalked. It was one of the most miserable points in my life. In order to move from Reno I had to leave Delicate Flower with my mom in Oregon for a few months.
The fist time I went to Hawaii, it was to visit my Grandmother. While I was there she had a breakdown and tried to kill herself. My vacation ended very suddenly.
Despite the downs in my life, I am a strong believer in keeping the past just that. If I didn't live this way I would hate for the rest of my life. I believe it is up to me to make positive decisions in my life for myself and my family.
It is very difficult for me to make friends. Sometimes I convey a "know it all" approach that is really meant to be helpful. I just am not that successful in letting people know.
I love my first son like no one else. He lives with his dad and that makes me feel guilty everyday. I never regret my first marriage, I regret the decisions I made after.
I am not a hugger. You can always tell I consider you a close friend if I hug you. If I tell you I love you, I consider you part of my family.
I would kill to be a SAHM, for a week. I love my job. I love my kids. I think we each need some time away. I am a better parent when I have some space. I am a better parent now than when I was 24. I despreately want a third child, and maybe a fourth. I feel that I am now ready for MSC. I feel like I am finally growing into the person I will become and I am pleased (-minus the weight gain)

I hate tagging people. If you choose to list some truths, please do so and let me know!

Not Me! Monday

2009-01-19T09:29:00.003-06:00

Urgh! Despite my best efforts I did not get much blogging done last week. I even had a couple memes to make is easier! I know my loyal following will understand. I don't even know some of you; but I know we all have lives outside of the blog world. I also know life is full of things we don't do, so it's time to confess all the things I would never think of doing.

Monkey would have never turned 9 months old over the weekend. 9 month old babies normally sleep through the night in their own beds, so I know he didn't.

I would have never decided it was a good time for snacks at Sam's club. That would mean I had forgotten food for my non-nine month old baby. Said baby would have never have inhaled cheese, two samples of yogurt, and cheerios. We would have never have left a trail of cheerios behind us. We aren't messy!

It's not me that has a sore tooth and is afraid to go to the dentist. And I certainly don't admit to not going to the dentist for years now.

Monkey would have never peed all over my new 600 thread count sheets. Khadra isn't a psychic!

I know my youngest son has not started holding on to his penis like its a lever in the tub. Nor does he immediately go for it when his diaper is off.

Oh yeah, I would never let my little one my hair because it sooths him back to sleep. I am not considering buying him a dolly. (Does anyone have a good boy doll to recommend?)

That sums it up. If you haven't already, jump over to MckMama's and check out the other things people never do. If you're up to it, do your own list. I promise you will feel better.

A Thousand Word Thursday

2009-01-15T16:53:00.003-06:00

I'm lazy - I know - but this face needs the masses!

Want to see others? (Not of Monkey, but other great pics, follow the button)

Not Me! Monday!

2009-01-12T07:41:00.005-06:00

I am not feeling too hot so I will be brief! I know that I never throw up and pee my pants, so maybe I do feel ok.

It wasn't me that proclaimed I couldn't find a single baby food book out there; only to have a MALE friend bring me FOUR amazing books from the library!

It isn't me that is relived the Giants lost last night. Now we can start resuming normal activities in the house that don't involve sitting perfectly still or changing clothes.

It isn't me that hurts after Wii bowling. No, I learned my lesson when I had to have surgery after a night of high heel boxing.

It certainly would never be me that is eagerly anticipating her Nutrisystem order!

Monkey is not saying dada. He also is not tying to break out of baby jail by stacking things up. And my sweet son would never turn into a crazy splashing baby in the tub. He is also so refined that he doesn't giggle when I make his but sing!

It also isn't me that has 7, yeah count them, 7 followers! Thank you!

Last but not least, this is not me at prom in 1988.

Check out the other Not Mes at MckMama's. I would also love to see your prom pictures! Sadly I have more, I went to six!

Urgh, Resolutions

2009-01-11T22:23:00.004-06:00

Ok, so for a bit I had been blowing off resolutions. I am a project manager, one would think I love to make lists. Especially when there is a deliverable. But see, that's just it. I am so used to making lists and then making some sort of priority matrix, and then equating a $$$$, that I am almost incapable of a list in my real life. But that is just it, I do really love lists. I love to make lists that include lists. Unless I am requesting a big budget; I don't need money, so nothing was holding me back, just the fact that a list makes it real. It makes ME accountable; my turn. I am ok with that. But I will state these are goals. It's my own ego at risk. I can price that at any time. I am not doing a SOW(yeah you just guess that) with myself.
OK time for 2009 resolutions:

Dammit, I wish I had a bad drug habbit, oh I do. Its called food. I have an ass load of weight to loose. I needed to loose before the baby. I don't want to talk about what the baby and I added. Let's just say I started Nutrisystem.

I want to complete the 100 book reading challenge. Don't ask me how

Two family trips involving both boys

Two girls trip, one involving Kate

Reintroduce my body to yoga

Eliminate non-organic meat and vegetables. Introduce Monkey to only organic foods.

Meet five new friends (this scares me the most)

Start exercising 4 times per week

Put away laundry after it's done

Urgh, that's quite a list. And I don't have some equation to back it up. But, it's public. I am accountable to myself. My ego is at large. I challenge you to ask me how things are going. You are my justification, you are my inspiration. You have no expectations, and for me; that makes it necessary.

Kick my ass, be mean, ask me what I am doing to be healthy for you, for my sons, for anything. I am asking you to be my blog trainers.

If you haven't heard how I am doing, ask!
LOL -this so the PM in me, but I do need help. I ask you, my blog friends. Are you up for it?

2008 in review or why I slowly went crazy!

2009-01-08T13:00:00.002-06:00

A couple weeks ago Mama Kat’s one of her writing assignments was 2008 in review. This one jumped out at me since 2008 contained so many milestones for me and my family. I started my blog because I had gone through so many life changes at once and wanted to share; little did I know how many more I would go through! I’ll go through month-by-month so maybe you can appreciate some of my stress!

January
Six month’s pregnant I kicked off a significant project at work. I was already huge and it is important to mention our test lab is down two flights of stairs. We ran out of office space and decided to stick our offshore team down there as well. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and ordered to follow a strict diet. I don’t need to mention that I managed to gain a good 30 lbs this month.

February
Q and I visited my parents in Creswell, OR. This was a great trip and the first time Delicate Flower saw me pregnant. (He lives in Reno with his Dad – I don’t know that I have ever made that clear) He was quite weirded out by my pregnancy! Little did I know it would be the last time the four of us were together.

March
The joy of baby showers and gestational diabetes. My diabetes escalated and on top of testing my blood four times a day, I got to give myself shots as well. Do I mention that my project was still going on in the basement? Do you know what it’s like to go up and down stairs while carrying a good 60 extra pounds of baby weight? Oh the horror!

April
Dear dear Monkey entered our life! He was 9lbs 10oz with a personality from his first breath. I took 8 weeks off of work and my mom joined us without a return ticket home!
She proceeded to slowly drive me insane while I wrestled with breastfeeding and packing because the next month….

May
We moved. I do not recommend moving with a three week old. EVER! Not even if it is just across the street. (Which is what we did) Shortly after we moved I learned the awful news that my project had been cancelled and I did not have a long term job to return to.

June
We said goodbye to Mom with some relief. (I try not to beat myself up over this visit. My mom and I generally kept visits to a week for very specific reasons.) After she left my husband and I decided to make things official and had a very quiet ceremony with the Justice of the Peace, Monkey, and Flea. (We are planning a family ceremony in Puerta Vallarta in Oct)

July
Delicate Flower arrived for the summer and became a teenager. Need I say more? My dad(dad number 2) came and visited us for a bit. I hadn’t seen him in five years! Oh and my lay off started. Oh yeah, before I forget, hubby got laid off too! July SUCKED!

August
I turned 37. UGH! But things started to look up as hubby and I both returned to work. (He was only out of work for like 10 days – how does that happen?) I started a new project that should take me through second quarter ’09 and Delicate Flower went back to Reno to start 8th grade. Monkey started daycare and didn’t even cry.

September
Hmmm….what happened in here????? LOL – I think it is in a fog due to lack of sleep. Monkey was barely sleeping. I did come down with an abscess on my throat and was not able to nurse for two weeks. I just couldn’t keep up with pumping at work and was forced to quit nursing all together.

October
My mom died on October 15th from a stroke. She was 54 years old.

November
I think I was completely grief struck as I tried to wade my way through the beginning of the holidays. I think the only thing I remember from this month was I learned to make bread.

December
A visit to my Psychiatrist introduced happy pills and some relief. Delicate Flower joined us for Monkey’s first Christmas. So there you have it! There are lot’s of Monkey milestones, but this post is all about me! (Aren’t they all about me in some way) In retrospect it just seems like a normal year, until I realize how much we crammed in from April – October. I think this year I will try to make life changes balanced! Are you sensing a prequel to resolutions? Well, are you?

I swear there is more to me than Not Me!

2009-01-05T12:56:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year! Where has the time gone? In the past two weeks I have worked a total of 4 days. One would think I had plenty of time to blog, but in between my Facebook games and the Wii, I have been way too busy. I know, selfish. I do feel a little guilty not capturing all the Christmas antics once they happened. But I guess I didn't feel guilty enough! I do however feel guilty that Not Me! Mondays have been my only regular post, so later when I do my resolutions I feel like I need to address that. I do have more to say than the things I never do! However, even though today is Tuesday, I still have some things that I should get off my chest before the metamorphosis kicks in and my guilt turns into shingles or something akin.

I have not decided that baby drool actually makes a good hair gel. It does not have the occasional added bonus of smelling like bananas. I did not declare the other day a good hair day after the baby was drooling and sucking on my hair. Monkey's hands do not have the exact technique as a rat comb.

It wasn't me that only mailed one Christmas card and all of my packages late. I am so organized and on top of things! It also wasn't me that paid an enormous amount for priority shipping so my Dad could have something to enjoy on Christmas.

I would never order Nutrisystem or gain 3 pounds over the holidays. I don't know what it is like to feel completely frustrated over the baby weight and additional weight. I am not a little depressed about it and feel like I should be on The Biggest Loser.

Monkey never would throw up on Daddy's face, getting some right in his mouth. If that did happen, my husband would never promptly get sick himself.

I am not in love with my new sheets. It is ridiculous to spend money on 600 thread count. I mean all you do is sleep on them.

Monkey is certainly not now spending all his sleeping time with us in the big bed. And the sheets I didn't buy; I would have never bought them considering my 8 month old's comfort factor in the never ending quest for a full nights sleep.

I am not convinced Monkey had ADD. He also did not devour a cookie like it was a drug and burst into tears when it was gone. He is such a great eater that he would never look at me like I poisoned him with the lasagna and then proceed to not open his mouth for the rest of the day. If that had happened he would certainly not drink 32oz of milk during the middle of the night. I don't give my baby a bottle at midnight or 2 he way too old!

Oh - I feel better all ready! What have you not done? Check out the list at My Charming Kids. Check out everything else too, I worship MckMama!

My solo Not Me! Monday

2008-12-29T09:39:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure how I get by without Not Me! Monday at this point! I stopped going to confession long ago, and since I feel like MckMama is a little bit like a saint, I think this counts. This week has been especially ~~trying~~ fun. All my boys are home and hubby and I were off from work so we got some good quality ~~fighting~~ family time in.

My father did not join Facebook and post pictures of my potty training. He also did not find my blog! I will have to come up with a good name for him.

Delicate Flower who now prefers to be referred to as Q Dawg did not projectile vomit over everything within a five foot radius. It was not mostly Doritos and the floor is not forever tinted a lovely shade of pink.

Monkey did not develop sympathy sickness and develop an ear infection. The medicine did not give his bottom(from the diarrhea) such an awful rash I was tempted to let him go naked.

Monkey did not break the new necklace from my MIL. I am not going to try to trade it in for the charm bracelets that everyone else received and I have been coveting.

Monkey did not act like a fish in his first bath in the big bathtub. He did not scream when it was over even though he was shivering and his lips were blue.

Monkey has not become very comfortable sleeping with Mommy and Daddy.

What have you not done this week? Check out all the others'. I am sure with the holidays there are bound to be some doozies! Well crud - you can't check out the others, MckMama is not hosting today. Be sure to check back next week!

Belated Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T21:19:00.003-06:00

It was a Merry one! But after having two sick kids at home I am ready for a Happy New Year! I will have a bunch of not mes! Not that Delicate Flower would ever puck all over himself, the bed, the room, and anything else within projectile distance. The carpet will be forever pink from too many Doritos. Monkey had an ear infection. We think it was sympathy pains. But all things ended well. Delicate Flower is home with me for the holidays and I am trying to inspire the genius of John Hughes while we watch Weird Science. I can't wait to use my new food processor and whatever you do, wait for The Day the Earth Stood Still to come out on video. (We wasted our one grownup day!)

Oh I confessed to DF his nickname - his suggested names are: Q Dawg, Charlie, or RamQi - he requests a vote!

Not Me! Monday

2008-12-22T09:14:00.004-06:00

Thank goodness for MckMama's Not Me! Monday. (Am I the only one that thinks she is a celebrity and a bit of a superwoman?) I am at least guaranteed to post once a week! Between the crazy holiday season and the fact I reset my wireless I just haven't had the time! Who am I kidding - I always have the time, but I am too lazy to go into another room to use the computer at home. At work I am way too busy playing facebook games. I am a BUSY working woman! Give me a break! Sheesh! LOL - yes I am feeling a little dramatic today, but I bet you can't wait to read what I have not done this week.

I did not tell my MIL that Monkey peed and then spit up a little on her bed. (Her sheets were off.) I really don't feel any ill will to MIL, and Monkey did it on accident. It was not me that was letting him play naked while I got his clothes ready.

Speaking of Monkey, it was not me that he threw up on the middle of the night. That would mean he still isn't sleeping and when he sleeps, he sleeps in our bed. I would never let a 8 month old baby still sleep in bed with his parents when he isn't nursing.

It is not me that has not finished Christmas shopping. Nor did I mail out packages today. I can say with certainly they WILL NOT get there by Christmas!

Delicate Flower arrived for the holidays and it is not my 13 yr child that is now 5'10". He also wasn't invited to tour the gifted and talented high school. Since my son is not failing all of his classes - I wouldn't have been surprised.

Ok - enough for today. I am not going to spend the rest of the day reading blogs and trying to finally upload some pictures of my tree that I am IN LOVE with!

Happy Holidays everyone!

Dear Dear Monkey

2008-12-17T08:03:00.007-06:00

Dear Monkey -

Happy 8 month birthday!
It seems like just yesterday we were taking your six week pictures.

My goodness time is just whizzing by us. You are becoming quite the little man.
You are crawling everywhere and are obsessed with standing up. You do rounds endlessly in your baby jail (yes it does remind me a little bit of a prison yard) and you absolutely refuse to lie down in your crib. You hate to sleep. I can only hope that one day you will realize that 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep makes Mommy and Daddy very happy.
We are thankful that you really are a delight when you are awake. Your happy smiles and giggles make my day.

For some bizarre reason you find the word blue hilarious. It also makes you perfectly content to suck on my chin and pull my hair. I find this gross but I let you do it because I am a sucker for our little monkey.
I am so excited for your first Christmas. I know that you just like to try to eat the ornaments. Big Brother thinks it's great that you hated Santa (proven here), but I can only hope you will grown to love him!
You aren't talking yet, but I can tell you want too! We have endless conversations just by blowing raspberries at one another.
You still love to eat. Bananas and yogurt continue to be your favorite. You love to feed yourself your crackers too. (Mommy loves cracker time too, because it gives us time to eat dinner.)
I could go on about how much I love you, but Mommy doesn't want to embarrass you! Just know that we think you are the perfect baby no matter what!

Love Mommy

Not Me! Monday

2008-12-15T08:26:00.004-06:00

Sadly Monday is here and I am back at work. Fortunately I have Not Me! Monday to pass away the time and give me giggles. I am not saying I take some pleasure in other peoples misfortunes. That would be mean.

Monkey did not sample the following things; Christmas tree, ornament, cat food, carpet, receipt, and cat. (Yes cat) He is not obsessed with putting everything in his mouth in the effort to sooth his poor gums. I do not let him suck on my chin because that seems to make him happiest.

The fuel pump did not go out on hubby's truck. That would be a sucky thing to happen right before Christmas. Firestone did not quote us $1300. We did not then find out it was covered under warranty and have the car towed again. That would be silly. Who pays for two toes when the car is under warranty? Not us!

I did not go Christmas shopping yesterday only to come home with two pairs of shoes for myself. I am never that selfish.

I know MckMama said not to blog about my period, but that made me think I have still not had a period since Monkey. (I do have the Mirna IUD) LOL I did not just announce to the world what birth control I use.

Monkey will not be 8 months old tomorrow. He is not growing up tooo fast. He is not obsessed with standing and does not do laps in his playpen. He did not spend most of the week sleeping in our bed. Hubby is not convinced that he hates his crib. That would be silly. Why would it occur to us to even think Monkey hates his crib!

Monkey does not only eat when I sing Itsie Bitsie Spider. I do not encourage this by singing as many versions of the song. My Itsie Bitsie Spider rap did not crack up the baby and cause him to spit risotto at me.

Monkey did not pee on the floor when I was letting him crawl around naked. Who would be foolish enough to let a 7 month old baby crawl around the floor without a diaper. I certainly was not trying to catch cute naked baby moments.

What did you not do lately?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-10T09:02:00.004-06:00

I am not always obsessed with the Baby! Delicate Flower lives with his dad during the school year, during the summer I try not to torture him too much. I did make everyone go for photos. Monkey's were awful. The family photos were awful. Brother pictures were awful. I LOVE these ones though.

Not Me! Monday

2008-12-08T09:16:00.003-06:00

Where is the time going? Already a whole new weeks of things that never happened. Or if they did I wouldn't share. Check out the others on MckMama's list. I love honest denial.

We did not take Monkey for a second round of photos. If we had he certainly did not react like this.

I did not spend all week trying to make my blog Christmassy! I am a Project Manager for IT projects. Surely I have enough technical knowledge to do something like that in my sleep.

I did not just realize the mug on my desk is brewing some new life form. That would be gross. I am not putting off cleaning it because I know how gross it probably is. I will not probably wind up just throwing it away.

I did not buy more scrapbook supplies to add to the large pile of supplies I already don't use. I have not started on Monkey's baby book and I am not living in fear that my MIL will ask me. I do not pretend to love scrapbooking just to have something in common with my MIL.

What did you not do this week?

Oh Happy Pills

2008-12-05T10:41:00.002-06:00

So the big Dr. appointment was yesterday. It was grueling. I have seen this psychiatrist before and I like him because he is pretty scientific when it comes to medicine. I also like that he listens to my concerns with taking medicine and works hard to find a good fit. He prescribed Cymbalta and Ambien. (Hubby is now on baby monitor duty)
He also prescribed the task of writing letters to my mother. He said bar none it is the most effective method for dealing with grief. Particularly when the death was sudden and unexpected like my mothers. The letters should trigger the brain to release the right chemicals. I'm then supposed to go back every couple weeks and read them again in the hopes that I will cry (not to hard to think that wouldn't happen.) Crying is the next best healer. And while I have been doing plenty of that, I don't know that I feel any better when I do. Not to mention I am so paralyzed by the fear that something else will happen to my family that sometime I'm crying over things that I just think will happen.
Anyway, I'll see how it goes. I'm optimistic. I did sleep last night so today I feel oodles better.

Public Service and Gift Ideas

2008-12-03T15:40:00.003-06:00

My pregnancy with Monkey was difficult. It seemed like I failed (isn't that sad I think about it that way) every test under the planet when it was time to gage Monkey's health. The blood screen was just a couple points over for Downs. His heart was just a little off in the uber ultra-sound. Things like that. Maybe my Dr. was just very cautious. Maybe fate intervened. Fortunately by the time we saw every specialist, the issues would be gone. I don't know what I would have done if things worked out differently. I know that had we found something life-threatening with Monkey we would not have chosen to end the pregnancy. I believe in a woman's right to choose, but I also believe in life choosing life. I know that miracles happen. I know that science is not always exact. I believe in fate. I think my approach was just that we would be better prepared just in case. We were so blessed, just in case never happened and Monkey was a HUGE (9lb 5 oz) thriving active baby. My last trimester went without a single specialist visit for him.

I know there are families that are not so blessed. I know there are women that go through their pregnancy knowing the rate of survival for their infant is slim. My heart goes out to those women. String of Pearls is a ministry that supports families that have received a fatal prenatal diagnosis. Like all non-profits they rely on the kindness of thers. During this season of giving think about a donation in name for those hard to shop for people on your list.

"But Junita, how can I donate to String of Pearls?"

"Why I just so happen to know of an excellent fundraising program occurring right now, Rebel For A Cause."

What is that you ask? Rebel for a Cause is actually a union of three remarkable programs, String of Pearls, No Hands But Ours, and The Elison Project. For a donation of $10 you will be entered into a kick-ass raffle. The prizes make me drool. If the donation isn't in your budget, maybe you can mention this worthwhile cause on your own blog or network site. If nothing else maybe click on the sites and read the stories and keep the familes in your thoughts. There is never an overage of prayers.

Sigh

2008-12-02T16:18:00.003-06:00

URGH - so I have only been working on a blogover for oh I don't know the ENTIRE day. I don't know why I felt compelled to decorate for Christmas virtually when I haven't even done so at home. Anyway - I hope to be finished tonight. In the mean time you may see some bad choices! I think wine is going to be required in order to finish.

Not Me! Sunday - woops Monday

2008-11-30T20:22:00.007-06:00

I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday and did not overeat or shop. I, as always, had pleanty of things that I did not do. Make sure you check out others on MckMama's. There are always some gems.

We did not take Monkey for pictures on Sunday and have three outfit changes. I am sure the photographer did not roll her eyes at us. We did not then go for Santa pictures because that would be way to much to expect from a 7 month old. We are not going back next weekend for different Santa pictures because I am very disappointed in them. (Monkey was fabulous the pictures were awful!)

I did not break down after Grace on Thanksgiving because I missed my mom. My MIL did not then accuse my Husband of doing something to make me cry. I did not put off calling my dad on Thursday because I knew it would make me cry. Today is not her birthday and I am not having a hard time again.

My Husband does not have an Advent Calendar to my Dr. visit for happy pills. My boss has not jumped on that band wagon. I have not been a little difficult and unreasonable at work, I just want to finish tasks before the holiday. (I am a project manager. I have just been doing my job a little forcefully maybe.)

I did not wake up - lol - oh wait - Monkey was awake - I did not go to Kohl's at 4:00am just to save a few dollars. I was not overwhelmed by the crowd. It did not occur to me that it seemed like a lifetime ago that I was coming home at 4am and I did not use that time to reflect on how much my life has changed since Delicate Flower.

Monkey did not discover how to pull him self up this weekend. He certainly did not discover it in baby jail and then try to climb the sides. He did not spend the entire weekend despondent that he can stand up, but is entirely unsure what to do next. I did not find him half asleep standing in his crib. My Husband and I did not have a conversation that involved some sort of padded room or cage for Monkey.

Monkey did not decide his new favorite toy were an old pair of Birkenstocks. And even if he had, I would certainly have never let him chew on them.

I am not doing my not mes on a Sunday. That would be silly. I can easily do them on Monday and I don't care where I land on the list because this is free therapy and not a competition. I do not think that MckMama would be a little disappointed in me for thinking that. I also do not look up to MckMama and often wonder if maybe she is the miracle sometimes. (Not to take away from Stellan at all...ok I am gushing about another mother that I don't even know, but I do know her story has helped me in my time of need, and at a time that I didn't even know I would need it.)

Ok, whenever I need a laugh

2008-11-28T20:46:00.004-06:00

I have to send a big thank you to MckMama for pointing me in this direction. I have been laughing and peeing my pants all night long. The older gentleman is one of my dads (I have two active, one deceased.) As soon as he got it he called me, he thought it was hysterical too. On a weekend that has been really hard we needed some mirth. Delicate Flower has not seen it yet and I know he is going to kill me!

Caged Monkey

2008-11-26T21:28:00.004-06:00

I know for a fact he will hold these against me later! And yes, some babies have a comfort blanket, my child has a comfort sock. His older brother continues to VERY concerned.

Y oh Why?

2008-11-25T14:29:00.006-06:00

I could save this one for tomorrow, but I have some time on my hands and it may take me until tomorrow to finish this one. Khadra oh so sweetly (I am not thinking mean negative thoughts about Khadra – I am thinking them about the random generator she used) assigned me the letter Y for this particular meme. I am supposed to name 10 of my favorite things that begin with the letter Y.

1. Yellow (Ok this is so easy) By far one of my favorite colors. Not to wear, but to have around me. If my husband was more of a pushover we would have it in every room of the house once we buy one.

Yep – already stumped. So forgive me if I use some creative license. This is my blog. I can do whatever I want right?

2. Yak – Yak you say? Really Junita how do you justify yak as one of your favorites? Well I love Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. Besides being easy on the eye – his willingness to try foods from every region of the world is mind boggling. One of my favorite episodes is where he goes to Tibet and samples some Yak milk and meat. YUM!

3. YMCA – One of Monkey's my favorite songs and dances to sing and make Monkey do. He does giggle every time. It is also quite fun at weddings and other group events.

4. Yen – not because I love money – but I love the movie Lost in Translation. It is set in Tokyo. Yen is the currency for Japan. (This is almost, not quite fun)

5. Young – is how I feel most days, but five is the numbers of years my husband will always be younger than me.

6. Yams – love them in most shape and forms.

7. Yalta – I haven't been to this region of Europe and while I very just now researched it – I think it looks lovely!

8. Yaffle – my brand new very favorite animal! I mean c'mon what isn't there to like about a yaffle? It's a fun word to say too! (In case you don't know a yaffle is a European green woodpecker)

9. Yuk! What I say the most when Monkey goes poop. I say yuk a lot. I am almost sure this will be one of his first words. Except it will rhyme with yuk and start with a F because his parents daddy has the worse potty mouth in the planet.

10. Yo-baby - Monkey's favorite meal in the planet. I have never seen yogurt consumed so quickly. If there were a baby speed eating contest he would win, hands down.

Thank goodness I am done. Seriously I didn't even know 10 words that started with Y when I began!

Monkey Fever

2008-11-25T12:04:00.003-06:00

Oh it was bound to happen. I nursed for as long as possible to give the best antigens and they finally ran out. ( I know that isn't how it works) Monkey had his first fever yesterday, 102.7. YIKES! Mommy panic set in. Delicate Flower hardly ever gets sick and given he hasn't been a baby for 13 years I have forgotten all the skills. Monkey was eating fine (if he had turned away from a meal we would be at emergency.) He was still giggling, but was a little less active than normal. He certainly was less monkeyish. We went to the Dr. today and indeed he has a sinus infection. No ear infection thankfully. So we are home sick today.
The boys (my cats) are thrilled.

I feel this is good practice for my future role of SAHM. If we have another baby I am so applying for this job. I know - it's probably easy the first day. For those of you that are SAHM, do you love it? Would you trade it? Do you plan on going back to work when your little ones are older? What was the deciding factor to stay home?

Not Me! Monday

2008-11-24T07:14:00.004-06:00

Wow! Last week went by fast! I can't believe I have yet another action filled week of things that I don't do! Make sure you check out MckMama's page for other antics. (Who am I kidding - I know you are only reading mine because you came over from MckMama's page.)

We did not purchase such a large baby jail that a friend actually called it our baby habitat. We have not redecorated our house in what I like to call "post-modern baby"

I did not sulk while bra shopping. I did not discover that my cup size has gone down while my band size has gone up. The stupid scale has not moved for like a month now.

I did not rip open the card from the woman that received my mom's kidneys like it was going to contain some sort of message that would save the world. I do not have mixed emotions about the letters. I do not remind myself on a daily basis how fortunate I am that my mom was able to give this gift to someone else.

I am not a little bitter and angry today. My mom's birthday is not next week and I am not dreading it like the plague because I know it it going to be a really hard day for me.

I did not make enough Trifle for 30 when there were only 3. We are not going to be eating it until Christmas.

I did not watch my husband change his shirt about a bazillion times during the Giant game. He did not kick me out of the room to bring good luck.
I was not late to work every single day last week. That would be sooo unprofessional. I did not even have a good reason for being late. (Right because I wasn't late, none of this happened to me, but if I don't stop I will be late again!)

What did you not do this week?

Paula Dean - Um No - But Yum!

2008-11-23T20:47:00.008-06:00

Ok this is what the recipe looked liked before I made it

This is what my version looked liked

It was still damn good! If you have a small army to feed, try this instead of pie - I was skeptical that it would feeds 20 - after a serving I am no longer! I actually had to put some down and I never turn away desert. We will half this recipe in the future. (THAT conversation also never happens in our house, we are normally calculating the increase.)

Pumpkin Trifle (Courtesy of Paula Dean)
Ingredients

2 (14-ounce) packages gingerbread mix
1 (5.1-ounce) box cook-and-serve vanilla pudding mix
1 (30-ounce) can pumpkin pie filling
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 teaspoon ground cardamom or cinnamon
1 (12-ounce) container frozen whipped topping
1/2 cup gingersnaps, optional

Directions

Bake the gingerbread according to the package directions; cool completely.
Meanwhile, prepare the pudding and set aside to cool.
Stir the pumpkin pie filling, sugar, and cardamom into the pudding.
Crumble 1 batch of gingerbread into the bottom of a large, pretty bowl.
Pour 1/2 of the pudding mixture over the gingerbread, then add a layer of whipped topping.
Repeat with the remaining gingerbread, pudding, and whipped topping. Sprinkle of the top with crushed gingersnaps, if desired.
Refrigerate overnight. Trifle can be layered in a punch bowl.

Your husband will look like this

100 Books

2008-11-21T10:03:00.004-06:00

Khadra needs a meme - so I am stealing this one from Flea. Plus I want to go through it and see if Delicate Flower needs to start reading any of these. I am not as much as a voracious reader as I was in my past, but I am still a sucker for a good book. Who am I kidding? I am a sucker for a bad book as well. Right now I am reading Too Fat to Fish by Artie Lang. It is hysterical and touching at the same time. No, you don't have to be a Howard Stern fan to enjoy it, (the language and subject matter is NOT PG by any way shape or means.) Not that it is ever going to make this list, I am enjoying it!

Look at the list and bold those you have read.
Italicize those you intend to read.
Underline the books you LOVE.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible (Most)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I wish you enough

2008-11-20T20:00:00.002-06:00

I am in a constant struggle to keep my email box organized. I am also battling with some bozo that decided MY email address would be a good one to use for every junk mail program in the world. As a result I am constantly coming across old emails from my mom. It's really like tearing off a band-aid most of the time. She and I would exchange emails sometimes 20 or 30 times a day. She lived in Creswell, OR and I live in Dallas. We would talk on the phone all the time too, but email was really her preferred stream of communication. Anyway I came across this one tonight. It's one that has been circulating for some time now, but of all the chain emails and stories this has always been my favorite and ironically it strikes so close to home right now.

I wish you enough!

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough."
The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom"

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it
would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"
I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip
back will be for my funeral," she said.
When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".
Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire life to forget them.

Ghost writer position now open

2008-11-19T09:55:00.006-06:00

I wasn't one for keeping a diary when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I had my fair share of REALLY bad poetry attempts and short story attempts. Most stories involved me marrying Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran after he rescued me on the beach or I won some sort of concert lottery and he fell head over heals in love with me after serenading me on stage. So I know I have an imagination of sorts. What I don't have is an ability to write organically about day to day facts. Conversations kill me. And honestly I wonder who really cares? I know I had this whole tribute last week to the reason I blog; for me, Monkey, and memories. But what do you do when you suck at writing a memoir? Do people have ghost writers for their blogs? Can I have an auto-blogography? (Or would it be blogography? I always get those mixed up.) I know that is why I love memes. I know that is why I love the theme days. I suppose it is a matter of practice. I can always think of cute catchy titles. But part of me starts to panic when I think of an entire paragraph related to that title. I've only been blogging for two months! Already the ADD is setting in! I feel like I need an Adderal and a Xanax just to get through. What do you do to keep your blog fresh? How do you sharpen your writing skills and turn every day events into page clicking antics? Outside of adopting 20 small children I am a little at a loss. Or maybe I am over thinking as always. Because look - I just managed to write an entire blog about how I can't write. Genius, sheer genius.

Not Me! Monday

2008-11-17T10:08:00.005-06:00

I wanted to try a little experiment this week and see if I really did do embarrassing things on a daily basis, but in typical form I failed to keep the list and I am frantically typing this before a meeting. Let me see if I can remember the things I haven't done. Make sure you jump over to MckMama's and see what other's don't do too!

Tuesday - I did not drink too much wine with my husband and argue about politics. We are far too mature and responsible. (In my defense I was at home)

Wednesday - I did not wear an entire outfit comprised of maternity clothes. My baby is seven months old and the baby weight has just melted off. I have no need to do that.

Thursday - I did not have an entire email exchange about poop. I did not consider renaming my blog "Poop, There it is!"

Friday - I did not make an appointment with the Dr. for some happy pills. I am dealing with life just fine. My mom's death is not monopolizing me and causing me to have a very minor nervous breakdown.

Saturday - I did not spend $50 at Lush for a free $20 gift when I had just gone in to get a $20 a gift. I did not justify the purchase with ridiculously expensive handcream because of all the poopy diapers I change.

Sunday - Ok - I don't have one for Sunday. Maybe I am not a lost cause. Or maybe I just took it off to rest.

Monday - I did not spend all morning waiting for Not Me to post!

What did you not do this week?

Little Man

2008-11-16T17:52:00.006-06:00

Dear Monkey - you are 7 months old today! You are still the happiest tax day surprise I ever received. (Of course we knew you were coming by then) You are now almost 20 lbs and 26". You aren't quite crawling, but you have taken a couple crawls. You can creep FAST though. Your blue eyes are turning a lovely shade of green (just like your Nana.) You eat like a champ and have been sleeping in your own room in your own bed for a month now. You have been sleeping at night for a week now (knocking on wood.) Your favorite food is still banana, but you seem to love anything with a berry and yogurt. (What am I kidding you love all food pretty much) You love to make raspberry noises, watch football with Daddy, and snuggle with Mommy. I can still make you giggle when I sing songs about poop and do dances. (Mommy can't wait to tell your first date about "Poop, There it is" and shaking our tailfeather.) Big brother is very concerned that I do this - see he is already watching out for you! You just started saying Mama, but only when you are unhappy! You truly are a delight to everyone. Your smile lights up any room and we are so blessed. I love you sweet C!

Haiku fun

2008-11-13T20:48:00.000-06:00

My writing challenge from Mama's Losin It.

635 Highway
White noise texan travelers
calm constant comfort

Thankful Thursday

2008-11-13T12:44:00.000-06:00

Can you believe in just two short weeks we will be gorging on pie and turkey? In just six weeks we will watch our children shriek in delight (we hope) as they tear through their gifts. In just eight weeks we will great a new year. Where has this year gone? I find it baffling to think of the changes I have encountered this year. Really in just the past six months. It's bind boggling really. Today I devote to the reasons I am thankful for them.

I am thankful for Monkey. Seriously how can one not just appreciate this face

When I say he was our surprise, he really was. My husband was snipped. Hubby never went back for his VERY important follow-up exam. He apparently had some strong swimmers and I became pregnant last year in March. I lost that baby in May. We call her The Seahorse. It was awful. In July and August I began feeling awful - ALL the time. I took several pregnancy tests and they were all negative. In September I started bleeding at work. Not just a trickle - it was a flood. In my BIG BIG boss's office. (BTW he is a middle eastern man - he was never able to look at me the same) At my OB's office the next day in the sonogram chair the tech said, well, it looks like a baby in there. You are probably about 14 weeks. And low and behold a very happy and healthy Monkey came in April. I am thankful every day. We are going to try for one more next year.

I am thankful for my marriage. I was far too young with my first husband. We are good friends now, but we just didn't have the maturity to handle a marriage and a child. Husband number two is entirely different. He is very supportive and strives to support me. He honestly cares for Delicate Flower like his own son. He is a sucker for Monkey. He loves his own mom. He has his faults and I don't need to publicly bring those out. Suffice to say I am happy in my marriage and in love with my husband.

Ok - that is enough for now. I think most people should be so thankful. What are you thankful for?

At least dinner was yummy

2008-11-11T19:25:00.000-06:00

Because today was crappity crap crap crap crap! Make sure you say that with the right inflection. I am grumpy and out of sorts and tired and just feel like all is not right in my head. It took all my energy to not burst into tears during a meeting today. A work meeting. An over the top uber important meeting that involved people like VP's. Seriously if someone had looked at me the wrong way I would have. It was bad enough I fumbled. I wont blame my boss. I will take ownership on not making better notes. I know I am slacking at work. I know I am teetering on a breakdown and I know I probably need to go see a Dr. about some happy pills. Soon. It's been a month since my mom and I am still mostly sad every day. And overwhelmed by her and thoughts of what she is missing. Overwhelmed by missing her. It is soooo hard. Just when I think it gets easier, I take a couple steps back. Normally on a day like today I would call her and whine a bit. She would comfort me and I would feel better. My husband tries and Monkey and Delicate Flower are a comfort but it's not quite the same. I do however have a yummy recipe for those days when you fell like crap!

Sausage and Sauerkraut (stolen from Nigella Lawson - I love her)
Heat oven to 400

1 bottle of Riesling (I know this sounds extravagant but you can find Riesling for cheap and it really does make a difference)

2lbs smoked sausage

3 Bay Leaves

1 Tsp peppercorns (the recipe calls for white but I used black)

A couple Tsp juniper berries (LOL not to be confused with cranberries - you can actually substitute capers. Juniper berries can be found where capers can be found (with olives)

1 package or 5 cups of sauerkraut drained

You can do this in your roasting pan or in a pot

Add all ingredients and bring to a boil

Place in roasting dish, cover with foil and cook for 30 minutes

Super yummy with my new favorite of baby gold potatoes. This is sure to be an "I've had a really bad day" regular.

What is your comfort dish?

Not Me! Monday

2008-11-10T06:41:00.000-06:00

It never gets old. I'm not sure if MckMama will host. She snuck it in last week. I had some really good ones in the shower, I think they got rinsed away.

My Husband did not let out the world's largest toot and proceed to blame it on the cat. I did not find this hysterically funny and cry until I peed my pants. (Honestly Biscuit is such a prissy kitty I think he would rather die than have a noise like that escape from his body.)

I do not sing songs about poop to the Monkey set to 80's tunes. I do not find these hysterically funny either. I am not sure when my world started to revolve around poop and when it became such a source of humour.

Delicate Flower did not ask me for dating tips. He did not preface the conversation with "Mom, you used to be a girl" He is only 13 and far to young for dating (this I really believe but I am happy he worked up the cajones to actually ask someone) Not to mention the fact that I am actually still a girl. (Yes, I know technically I am a woman but is there an official cut-off? I'm not ready to make that official transition)

I did not spend a small fortune on Starbuck's coffee last week. I do not have a weakness for the holiday brews. It does not make my mouth water just thinking about Eggnog Latte. I am pretty sure I am the sole reason there are still three within a mile radius of my house. I am also pretty sure I am the sole supporter in Texas.

The lights did not just come on in my office which just shows how early I showed up! It is not time to get to some serious work.

What did you not do this week?

C'mon to my house

2008-11-09T21:25:00.001-06:00

I learned to make bread!

We can sit down for a nice dinner now that I finally have a kitchen table

And we can talk about the artwork because there is no TV to be seen in the kitchen!

When my mom finally got it together I was about 13 and she met my now step-dad Ken. We didn't have a TV. We always sat down for dinner. I know I could never convince my husband to throw out the TV, but now that we have a table, I want to sit down for dinner at least a few nights a week. I will check back in on this goal in a few weeks. In the mean time feel free to invite your self over for dinner. Tonight we had steak, cauliflower, new potatoes with bacon and mustard (way yummy!).

Tag - I'm it

2008-11-07T15:06:00.000-06:00

Khadra at Crab Goggles tagged me. After I took her name in vain, I realized it gave me a subject and actually thought it wouldn't be so bad. And given she is one of my only readers, I didn't want to piss her off. hehe - So 7 things you never knew about me. Actually 7 things most people don't know about me -

1. I listen to Howard Stern every morning. I realize most women in my demographic shake their head at the horror but I find him funny and not as crass as you would think. He is excellent at interviews, surprisingly sympathetic, and 100% human. When I don't like what he says, I turn the channel.

2. I lived by myself when I was 11. In a bus. On a commune. So yes there were other grown-ups in the vicinity, but it was up to me to get up, eat, go to school, to do all those things that 11yr olds are meant to do. My mom would stop by occasionally to drop off food and check-in. She was suffering from some drug problems at the time. I honestly think I was better off.

3. I went to 14 different schools. No we weren't in the military. I used to make up extravagant stories to explain why I was coming in mid-year. Like I was coming off the musical tour of Annie, or we were Italian royalty, I was often believed.

4. I am terrified of f-r-o-g-s. To the point that I don't even like to say the word, I spell it.

5. I managed a shoe store for 6 years. I still love shoes. I have over 100 pairs. Since Monkey most of them do not fit and I can only wear 3 or 4 pair. Someone with a size 8 will probably be a lucky woman some day.

6. I never met my real father. When my mom finally gave me the information and I was able to look him up I found out he had died several years earlier. I was able to connect with his sister and we do talk occasionally. I look just like him.

7. I am Irish on both sides of my family, for many generations, on both of their sides. I finally broke the chain- Delicate Flower is Irish and Mexican. Monkey is Irish, German, and English.

I won't tag anyone. I will save that for later. That was fun though!

Oh the horrors

2008-11-07T09:26:00.000-06:00

I work for a large corporation. We tend to be a little over the top PC. My boss is never PC. She never holds her tongue and she cracks me up. We have an abnormally creepy gentleman that sits on our floor. I about fell out of my chair when she forwarded me this email exchange

M–
Please don’t spray air freshener in the break room where there’s uncovered coffee. I walked in there to get coffee and my papers off the copier and I literally walked face first into a fog of it and inhaled it. I don’t know if that’s why I taste it in the coffee or if it’s because some landed in the exposed pots. But either way, suffice it to say that it doesn’t taste as good as it smells!

I sit here all day and “inhale” a variety of things, most of them not pleasant, but please know I didn’t spray a fog into the uncovered coffee… but just like the breakroom smells that migrate over to me, I am sure the airfresher does what it is supposed to do, …which is break up the odors. If you smell some of it, that’s kinda the point to cover up some of the odors that come out of there every day all day. If you would like to sit here some time with me during the day to actually experience hours and hours of the distasteful smells, odors that often burn my eyes and turn my stomach, (and the loud noices and discussions that go on in there about personal issues etc) and discuss let me know.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – I am so going to eat fish tomorrow and speak loudly about my birth experience. Seriously I would love to know what odor burns his eyes. I have been there when he sprays the room spray, it pretty much prompts an instant migraine for me.

I promise it won't collect dust

2008-11-06T20:02:00.001-06:00

Look - see - I even have toys to prove that I don't cook sometimes. My husband is soo sweet sometimes all the time. LOL and he got it from QVC (shocking). We saw the Big Brown Tuck and ran for the door because we just got Monkey to sleep. I will let you know as soon as I use it. I have a work potluck next week, so actually I know it will be soon. I am thinking I can whip up some pumpkin cookies in a snap. Like a bazillion of them. This bad boy is big! 600 watts. My daddy isn't a race car driver for nothing!

Thankful Thursday

2008-11-06T09:29:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving is getting closer and and closer. I believe there are 21 days to go. I think there are only like 48 more days until Christmas. (My math skills are baffling - I know) Thankful Thursday's aren't going to stop once the holidays are over. I was thinking in the shower this morning why I blog and what I expect to get out of it. I think like everyone it is a form of therapy. I know I have maybe one reader, so truly this is for me. It is a way to journal my thoughts and activities. It will be a way to remind myself how I felt in the year after my mom's death. It will be a way to remind myself how special this first year of my marriage and Monkey's life is. So without further ado:

I am thankful for blogging. For all the people that blog. For the reasons above and for so many more. I am thankful that there are people that are willing to share their miracles and tragedies. I am thankful for the people that share their mundane day to day activities and for the moms of multiples and the moms that hope to have multiples. For all the lives I never knew were out there I have a chance to glimpse into.
I am thankful for Blue and Biscuit. My first two boys. Woops - haha - Delicate Flower really is my first boy. While they have yet to truly learn where their kitty box is located is, (Blue has a fondness for the corner next to the shower) they still are a calming comfort. Biscuit is soo good with the baby. I'm pretty sure he thinks he is his most of the time.
I am thankful for my job. I know I haven't been applying myself 100% as of late. But I do truly love it. It's really stressful, and I think I need to go back on ADD medicine. I had stopped in the pregnancy and felt confident that I managed without it, but I think with everything going on it's time to make a visit to the dr. and have some conversations.
Ok, this is going to sound completely ridiculous, but I am thankful for QVC. I used to think it was some silly crappy shopping channel full of spotted dalmatians, but QVC has actually enabled to have some nice things in my house that I normally couldn't buy. It is affordable and it is quality. And given that I try to pay for everything in cash, their flex pay system let's me buy things like a TV a little sooner than if I saved the money for it.
I am thankful that Delicate Flower really seems to be finding himself this year. I think I already said this, but I can't say it enough. He had a really tough time last year and has been making every effort to ensure this year is not a repeat.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-05T20:17:00.001-06:00

Like it or not, history is in the making

Not Me! Monday

2008-11-03T09:12:00.000-06:00

It truly is the only reason I love Monday's. Normally MckMama would host, and I haven't given up hope yet! I mean c'mon, she's been home from the hospital for a day now and she only has four children. She should be up and around to serve the blogging community with no problem. With all sincerity I had never been so happy for a stranger as when I learned her newest addition was so healthy and his heart seems to be problem free. Her story truly is inspiring and a true testament of faith. With that being said I had a full week of things I most definitely never did:

I did not burst into tears when I learned MckMuffin was delivered healthy and problem free. I do not secretly think MckMama is my BFF and call my husband regularly to tell him what she says in her blog.

I did not go to Target to buy Halloween candy and leave without the candy but instead with new jammies for myself. I did not justify the jammies with the excuse that they made Monkey happy. (Really he smiled very big when I showed them to him. Pink with Monkey's all over them. I love that Target carries Nick and Nora now)

I did not gain back the 2 pounds that I worked so hard to lose.

Monkey has not reverted back to waking every two hours and inhaling a bottle. My lovely husband can not let him cry and despite our best determination we have not completely let Monkey take over the house and let him dictate our every move. (Who would think a six month old baby would be so powerful)

I did not measure Monkey's baby boobs to determine what size baby bra he possibly would wear. He would not wear a C.

I do not continue to miss my mom every day and I did not include her when I sent out pictures of Monkey. Honestly I didn't even think about it.

What did you not do this week?

Religion for Dummies

2008-10-31T15:50:00.000-05:00

HAHAHAHA - ok I just typed it in on whim. I really didn't think such a book existed. Maybe I should start my own church. The not sure about religion religion. You can come to my house, I will cook, you will admire my baby, we will play some games and discuss God. A pretty typical night!

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-31T15:04:00.001-05:00

Yes yes it is Friday. I am going to do some advance daylight savings and pretend it is Thursday. I think it is important for me to remind myself the things I am thankful for right now.

I am always thankful for Monkey's happy smiling face. He really has been such a comfort during this time. Even when he is unhappy I am still reminded by how blessed I am.
I am thankful for Delicate Flower's outlook and sense of humor. He truly is an amazing child and I am baffled that he has such a strong head on his shoulders. LOL - I am not baffled that he has one, but I am baffled that he is of my genes. He is a unique gentle spirit and I think I used to be wary of how he would develop, but he proves to me on a daily basis that I have nothing to worry about.
I am thankful the stupid elections are almost over. Truly - shoot me now. I am over both of the candidates.
I am thankful for my new cookbooks. I cook rarely, so when I do I want it to be special. I ordered Nigella Express(because I secretly want to be Nigella Lawson), a new Weight Watchers, and Tyler Florence (added bonus some yummy sounding baby food recipes).
I am thankful for November. November means Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving means Christmas. Christmas means so many things to me and I can't wait for this one!

What are you thankful for?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-31T09:00:00.000-05:00

A little late -

Precious Monkey and Religion

2008-10-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

We went to the Farmer's Market on Saturday morning and they had a couple pumpkin patches. I couldn't resist some photo ops of Monkey and the pumpkins.

During the drive over to downtown, (Ironically the location of the Farmer's market in Dallas), my husband and I were talking about church. Lately I have been thinking that church might be a good place for us to make some "family" friends, and also I think it is important for Monkey to be exposed. I also see so many people take so much comfort in their faith and I wonder if some exploration would be beneficial to me as well. I have to tell you, my faith is very slim right now. I would be hard pressed to explain with any confidence what I do believe in. I am still at a loss as to where to even start as it seems out requirements are pretty specific-
"Honey, I think we should look into church"
"I agree, I want Monkey to go to Sunday school"
"I don't want it to be all hell fire and brimstone though"
"What about Lutheran, it's like Catholic light"
"Ummm, maybe. I guess I would need to read up on it"
"I want to go early though. I want to be home in time for football"
"Ok - so like a 10 am service?"
"I was thinking 8:50"
"Really - you honestly think we can find a service that starts at 8:50? It isn't enough that we need to find a church that isn't overly religious, is non preachy, and now we need service to start at 8:50 to accommodate football"

Jeez! Any assistance would greatly be appreciated!

"Not Me!" Monday

2008-10-27T09:54:00.000-05:00

It’s hard to believe how quickly Mondays come. At least MckMama makes them a little more enjoyable with her “Not Me!” Monday carnival.

I was not crushed when I missed last weeks “Not Me!”. That would be silly to think I put any energy in my blog. Besides last weeks was very depressing and it is probably better that I did not share.

I did not spend $4 on 4 tomatoes. That would be a excessive. Especially if you consider I am the only person at home that eats tomatoes. I also did not consume all four tomatoes on my favorite meal of eggplant, parmesan, basil, and tomato. (Bake at 400 for 20 minutes.) That would be glutinous.

I have not cried every other hour. I am not still completely crushed and contemplating putting a ticker for the supposed year of grief that one is supposed to take. I am not convinced that would make me feel better. I also did not completely dissolve into tears last night when Monkey took his first “crawl” because I could not call my mom and tell her.

I did not feel a little guilty that we had a nice day at the pumpkin patch and farmers market.

Monkey did not eat his macaroni and cheese in about two seconds flat the other day. That would admit that he was as equally as glutinous as his momma.

Monkey has not outgrown his infant car seat at six months old. He does not weigh almost 19 pounds and sprouting baby boobs and the heartiest thighs I have ever seen on a baby.

What have you not done this week?

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-24T09:36:00.001-05:00

Yes - I realize it is Friday. I am a day or so on everything it would seem. I came home on Monday and have been in a fog ever since. I am pretty sure I went to bed at 7pm last night, right behind Monkey. They say it takes a full year to grieve. With that being said let's get to number 1:

I am thankful I survived the first week after my mother's death. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier, but it is becoming more real.
I am thankful Monkey has started sleeping through the night. Granted it has been six months coming, and he has only slept through 4 nights, but I will take what I can get.
I am thankful my husband is feeling better. I don't have much patience right now and I feel bad that I wasn't able to be very empathetic.
I am thankful the weather is actually getting cold. It seemed like just the other day I was thankful the heat was going. I wonder how long it will be before I am thankful for the heat again!
I am thankful it is Friday. This has been an impossibly hard time at work and I am looking forward to some quiet time at home with my husband and Monkey.

What are you thankful for?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-22T11:35:00.000-05:00

"Not Me!" Monday

2008-10-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

It’s time for “Not me! Monday”, hosted by the always charming and due any day now MckMama. (We won’t mention that it is Tuesday.)

• I am not going to write my entire not mes list about my mom’s death. That would be morbid. I do have other things happening in my life at this time.

• I am not struggling at work today. I know people are only trying to show they care. I did not almost break down when I found an email from my mom from last summer. I am not going to have a difficult time not emailing my mom. I never exchanged a bazillion emails a day with her from work. I way too important and busy to have exchanged emails all day with my mother.

• I do not have a speech well rehearsed that explains the details and events of my mothers death. I have not already told it numerous times this morning. I am sure I could say it in my sleep.

• I did not pick out a scattering urn for my mom with my step-dad the other day. That would mean that she did really die. She was only 54 how could that have really happened.

• I am not completely breaking down and have to stop. This isn’t as cathartic as I had hoped.

• On a positive note – Monkey did not wake up every two hours and howl like a banshee. He has slept through the night for two nights straight!

What have you not done this week?

Conversations

2008-10-18T20:21:00.000-05:00

Conversation with Q(Delicate Flower) yesterday. I called to see how he was doing since he has lost his great-grandfather, his Nana, and his big toe nail all in one week.
"Hi Q how is everything"
"Good"
"How is your toe feeling?"
"Fine, um Mom....I have a friend over, I don't really have time for small talk right now. I'll call you when I have some free time"
"Oh - alrighty then. You call me when you have some free time."

Honestly! I can say he has become a teenager!

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-16T20:15:00.001-05:00

Ok- if last week I thought I was just a little stressed and thankless. Today I may have pushed my limit. While I am not trying to make lemonade out of lemons, I know my mom wouldn't want me to sulk. I am allowed to grieve. I will. Out of this whole bizarre mess, there were some things to be thankful for:

I am thankful that the stroke that took my mother's life occurred while she was in the hospital. She was able to be placed on life support and then declared brain dead. It was her wish to be an organ donor and that wish was able to be honored. Her lungs, heart, corneas, tissue, and kidneys will allow others people to either live longer or live better. She was such a devout recycler I know she is just ecstatic that no part of her will go to waste.
I am thankful I was able to make it up here to say goodbye.
I am thankful I was able to see my grandmother. I was once again reminded one shouldn't only see their family under bad circumstances.
I am thankful Delicate Flower decided not to come. It would not have been a good way to remember his beloved Nana.
I am thankful for all the kind words and memories. I am learning of a part of my mom I never knew from her friends.

What are you thankful for today?

Finding Courage

2008-10-14T15:59:00.000-05:00

I read blogs all the time where women of all types find extraordinary courage in them to accept their path in life. I always marvel at the faith it must take to accept and believe in the hand that you have been dealt. I always wonder if I could ever be that brave. This week I get to find out. My mom has had a massive stroke. She is only 54. This is the most unexpected event. I am still in shock. She is on life support. There is massive bleeding on her brain. I leave tomorrow morning to say goodbye. When they take her off she will be gone. It will be my turn to accept this is my path in life. Right now I really don't want to go down it.

"Not Me!" Monday

2008-10-13T10:05:00.001-05:00

It is that time again! "Not me!" Monday. Hosted by the always charming MckMama. In your free time make sure you peruse the list to see what other are not doing.

· I did not bring Monkey to our bed last night. He was not wailing like a banshee from his crib. He has made the transition to his crib like a wonder child

· Monkey did not wake up every hour last night to wail like a banshee. He is not cutting teeth. My child is like Iron Man and would never cry over something like a new tooth

· I did not go to Sprouts to only buy peaches and walk out with:
o dates rolled in coconut (can you blame me)
o 10 containers of yogurt (they were on sale for 10 cents off so I did save a $1)
o Face Cream
o A bottle of wine
o Mushrooms
o Peaches (hey at least I remembered)

· I did not move the scale until I got a reading that I was happy with. That would be completely counterproductive.

· I did not breath a sigh of relief after dropping off my in-laws puppy. She was a complete delight and I am counting down the days until we can watch her again.

· I am not coming down with another cold. I am the picture of health at all times.

· I am not going to figure out how I can take a nap in my car today. I am super mom and can easily survive a work day after a weekend of no sleep. Again my baby is perfect and sleeps like a champ.

· I am not disappointed that I will be far down on the Not me! List. I am never competitive. This is not a contest and I do not care if anyone ever reads my not me list. This is truly cathartic and only for me!

Monkey 1, Mommy 0

2008-10-11T20:46:00.000-05:00

Monkey did sleep last night for the first time in his crib. He woke up at 3. Did we let him cry it out? Yes, for 12 minutes. I justified the bottle by telling myself that it would be too much trauma to have him sleep in the new bed and take away his late night bottle. I didn't want him to associate anything bad with the new bed and think it was the reason his tummy was being allowed to go slightly below empty! He is sleeping well tonight, I am newly determined!

Monkey goes to bed!

2008-10-10T10:18:00.000-05:00

These are pictures of Monkey in his co-sleeper. Last night he spent what we hope is the last night in our room. I will miss him, but I know it's time for all of us to try and get some sleep. And given my hearty guy is teetering on the edge of 18/19 lbs I know it is time to say good buy to night time feedings. He has started on solids and cereal and really is only waking up for some snuggles.
I do love the night time snuggles though. That's my quiet sweet mommy baby time. But I am embracing him growing older. I think we are taking it at the right pace. And if you can't tell from the picture - he is quickly growing out of room in his co-sleeper and almost able to crawl out of it, so there are safety reasons involved as well. And I must admit, I need some snuggles with my husband.
I will see how it goes, either way I will have something to write about next week!

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-09T09:35:00.000-05:00

I kept meaning to post all week and just kept getting busy and that seems to be the story of my life, I just keep meaning too. While I was driving to work I was thinking what I wanted to post about and the fall weather reminded me the holidays are quickly coming upon us. I do love the holidays, but the holidays bring a certain amount of stress and I was also reminded that I have been a little on edge and grumpy as of late, and a little thankless. We bought Monkey an outfit the other day that says “I am thankful for Tiger and Pooh.” I thought to myself I have a lot to be thankful for, but I have been rather thankless as of late. So I have deemed Thursday to be Thankful Thursday. I must name at least five things that I am thankful for, and they can’t all be family and friends related.

1. I am thankful for the four lbs that I lost last week. I don’t care that it was a little too much and I would prefer to not find them this week.

2. I am thankful that my husband took the first shift and Monkey slept all the way until 3am! Granted he did wake up again at 5, but this means he can sleep for a long stretch and we just need to break him of the habit of eating every four hours.

3. I am thankful for the yummy mushrooms and spinach that I put in my omelet this morning. They made it so flavorful and satisfying.

4. I am thankful the weather is finally changing and I think the 100 degree days are behind us!

5. I am thankful for Monkey’s temperament. He honestly is the happiest baby and just thinking about his smiles makes me smile.

Ok – that wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be! What are you thankful for?

"Not me!" Monday

2008-10-06T09:46:00.000-05:00

I read a variety of blogs, but I think My Charming Kids probably delights me the most. MckMama is honest and her children’s antics truly are charming; or at least come across that way! I think everyone that reads her blog is counting down the days for Stellan’s birth and I know we are all praying for the whole family.
Anyway, her Not me Monday gives me a reason to look forward to Monday! I went to Catholic school once; I know that confession is good for the soul. Except I didn’t do any of these things – no, not me!

-I did not not wash my hair all weekend. That would be unhygienic and a little gross.

-I did not over fondue on Saturday and have a Charlotte (Sex in the City movie) moment. That would mean a variety of things that I never want to admit to! So No, not me!

-I did not gladly let LOML take Monkey so I could nap on Sunday even though I knew he had gotten even less sleep than me the night before. It would be selfish of me to think that I went six months straight of no sleep and he has ample time to catch up. It would also be a little mean and vindictive.

-I am not writing this at work. That would be unethical.

-I did not start a blog just so that I could have a reason to do Not Me! That would be silly since I could just comment.

-I did not let Monkey try to eat Biscuit (our cat) because I thought it was funny. That would be icky and unhygienic. Besides Monkey was sooo happy trying to eat the kitty.

-Monkey did wake up every three hours on Saturday. He is almost six months old and much to old for that. He also did not scream like he was dying when he was waiting for his bottle. He is absolutely not addicted to food and can sleep all night!

-I will not spend the day reading other Not me! moments nor am I not hoping for some sort of bad behaviour this week to give me an excuse for next weeks Not me!

Pumkin Pie Makes Me Happy

2008-10-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

I know I have an addiction to pumpkin pie spice latte when
a) I spend 20 minutes in line waiting to order
b) I spend $5 on one
c) I allocate 7 points for the consumption of one(Let me put that in perspective – I can have a soup and ½ a sandwich for 7 points, I only have(only haha) I have 29 points a day)
I don’t understand the addiction. I can’t seem to overcome it. I wait for them every year. Honestly – it bleeds into all things pumpkin flavored and colored for that matter. I dress Monkey in orange. I have an Orange rug in my living room. I don’t mind rooting for UT for LOML because I like the jersey. I think if I could I would paint myself with filling, add some cinnamon, and call it a happy day.

I love you French fry - but you break my heart

2008-10-02T13:59:00.000-05:00

It was next to impossible for me to admit I was obese. My struggle with weight has not been lifelong. Growing up I was healthy. In my teens and early twenties I was probably a little underweight. I remember often lamenting about my weight then as I purposely had to buy a 4 for my pants to be a little baggy. When I got pregnant at 23 I didn’t think too much about the 60lbs I gained. Let’s just say that baby is 13 now and I never got rid of the extra 60. To make it worse I added to it. When I got pregnant with Monkey, my Dr was very concerned about my weight. I was advised to gain 25lbs at the most. I gained almost 90. It’s not surprising I was gestational diabetic. It’s not surprising I gave birth to an almost 10lb baby despite the best efforts of Doctors and dieticians. I did follow my eating plan. I did try to get some exercise. It’s no surprise when you are carrying an extra 90lbs on top of an already overtaxed frame that the exercise effort was not extraordinary. Anyway – cut to today. I have lost 50 of the 90. I recently went back on Weight Watchers to make some permanent changes in my life and figure out where this relationship with food and I went wrong. My husband and I are renewing our vows in Puerto Vallarta in October 2009 (More on that later), I have a little less than a year to loose my goal of 80 more pounds. The goal isn’t just driven by the ceremony though. It’s driven by this loss of self image I have encountered recently. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I don’t feel healthy. LOML is so encouraging, he still tells me I look beautiful every day, but I don’t feel that way. I used to love to shop and now it’s a chore. The irony is, I don’t even love food that much. I just eat poorly. Oh and I am super lazy. And I can continue down that path, becoming more and more unhappy with who I am. Or I can make an effort and make some changes in my life. I have kicked out habits that were bad for me before (smoking) so I think I can kick out some French fries and overcome my latte addiction (that’s why I am on Weight Watchers, so I can have the occasional latte)Chipotle on the other hand – no one ever needs a whole serving of Chipotle!

Home at last

2008-10-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to start a blog for some time. I have my MySpace surveys, but I don't think those really count. I decided to have a baby, get married, change jobs, and move - all in the course of a year. I felt like I really needed to get all my life changes done in one year. My co-workers are starting to glaze over at the mention of the baby - I really need a place I can journal to my hearts content. My husband does also make me cazy from time to time. No to mention my naughty kitties. Oh yes, and my 13 yr old. Plus my weight loss struggle, my real wedding plans, and my obsession with anything on Bravo. Oh- I'm a little ADHD too. I'm worn out all ready!