Wednesday, March 11, 2009

You can't read my mind?

I often forget that in order to communicate, one actually needs to share information. I have a bad habit of being private. I don't think someone can have a blog and be a private person. By default you're letting it all hang out. I am mostly OK with that part. I would never sensor knowing my husband, dad, and friends read my blog.

What I need though is a mind reading post process, because honestly I have not made time for blogging. I would like to say it is because I haven't made time for myself; that isn't a true statement. Have I been busy? Yes. Has Monkey been acting like a maniac and not sleeping? Yes. Do I have time to log into facebook for a few minutes? You guessed it!

I do like to keep my blogs light. I like to think I add a little humor. I don't like repetition. I feel like I am cheating if all of my blogs are based on surveys. That is just a long way to say I have a lot on my mind lately that is neither light or funny. I haven't wanted to take five minutes to share. And I guess I just wanted to feel like life was perfect enough and I wouldn't need to burden anyone with my problems. Honestly - they are small and insignificant. And I think that is the other piece - there are so many families out there that share their heart wrenching stories, I just don't think my bad day at work or the havoc Monkey causes would be meaningful.

It sounds silly when I say it, but I am terrified of becoming a blogger that has something heart wrenching happen. My husbands is highly superstitious. I think it is rubbing off. I read about this family in January and it has stayed on my mind since. I just can't get over how devastated they must be. I know it is coincidence, but Monkey has been getting constant sinus infections and I am just been terrified that we could be the next McClenahans. Silly I know. Ever since I lost my mother so suddenly - I just keep waiting for it to happen again.

So there it is. I know I am not going to tempt fate just by blogging, and yes, that has been the main reason for my pause. And please, feel free to poke fun. LOL - just saying out loud, make me feel better. I will blog more and worry less. It will never be daily, but it will be more than bimonthly. Or at least until I can find a confidant psychic. Then she will do it for me.

2 comments:

Following Him said...

Ok, I wont poke fun, but I will ask for your FB name so I can check on ya too...
Have a great evening!
~Elyse~

mistika said...

I know what you mean and yes when I read Cora'story a few weeks back..I go that fear feeling. We also lost a very special person all of a sudden and is almost a year and there is not a day I don't cry for her.